Lowered Expectations with Amber

Who was the last male you talked to?
JUAN

Who is someone that can always make you laugh?
MANS!1

What were you doing at 10am this morning?
I WAS EATING BREAKFAST WITH THE SASSY AT THE DOCK WATCHING THE BIRDS FLY AROUND MY CAR.

What were you doing an hour ago?
I WAS GOSSIPING WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER. WE REPENTED. DON'T WORRY.

Do you plan on moving within the next year?
I THINK I'M GONNA MOVE IN WITH ONE OF THE LOSERS WHO HITS ON ME AT THE GROCERY STORE. THEY ALWAYS SEEM REALLY COOL.

Are you wearing anything on your feet?
I'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF BUTTER DOWN THERE. I LIKE TO SLIDE WHEN I WALK.

What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months?
WELL HOPEFULLY GETTING AS MANY LOVERS AS I CAN GATHER. IT IS MATING SEASON.

Do you remember your dreams?
ONLY THE BAD ONES.

Where did your last hug take place?
IT WAS IN THE CAR. NO TEARS WERE SHED THOUGH.

Have you been to a baby shower?
WELL I GAVE BRAYLON A BATH ONCE. HE DIDN'T LIKE THE SHOWER.

What cell phone company do you use?
I USE A COMPANY THAT THINKS IT'S O.K. TO CHARGE ME FOR EVERYTHING I DO.

What color is your hair brush?
WELL I DON'T BRUSH MY HAIR SINCE IT'S A CORPORATE HAIR STYLE.

Do you watch the Super Bowl?
YOU MEAN BREAK AWAY FROM MY COOKING AND CHORES AND WORK AND BUSY LIFE TO SIT FOR 5 MINUTES? WHO DOES THAT?

What about World Cup?
WELL I DON'T THINK IT IS SAFE TO SHARE A CUP WITH THE WORLD. HAVEN'T YOU SEEN SOME OF THESE PEOPLE?

Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
WELL TEDDY IS MOVING ON. HE IS BORED WITH ME. I GUESS I'VE LET MYSELF GO.

What is the last movie you watched?
FUNNY PEOPLE. XCEPT THEY WERE'T REALLY FUNNY.

What movie do you think everyone should watch?
I BELIEVE EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH DON'T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER'S DEAD. AND POSSIBLY IF THEY CAN POSSIBLY DO IT, APRIL FOOLS DAY

What is your middle name?
HEAVEN

Do you have your future children's names picked out?
YES I DO. MYSPACE AND TWITTER.

What color is your mailbox?
BLACK LIKE MY SOUL.

Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
I AIN'T CROSSIN' THAT HILLBILLY BRIDGE UNLESS I HAVE TO!!!11 SORRY FRIENDS.

What brand is your computer printer?
IT'S THE BROKEN-UP BRAND.

How many cars can fit in your driveway?
THAT DEPENDS. ON SATURDAYS IT'S USUALLY 17 BUT AFTER SATURDAYS IT GOES BACK TO 2.

Who was your Kindergarden teacher?
YOUR MOM.

Are you taller than your mom?
YES AND I LIKE TO YELL AT HER IN AN ANGRY VOICE TO ASSURE HER OF MY DISPOSITION AGAINST HER POWER.

Do you have any bruises right now?
WELL WHEN I DO CARTWHEELS I USUALLY MISS BECAUSE I'M WEARING MY HEEL BOOTS AND THAT CREATES BIG BRUISES.

Are you cold right now?
BIG FUZZY BOOTS MAKE MY FEET SMELL LIKE ROSES.

Do any of your close friends have kids?
YES AND SOMETIMES I LIKE TO BEAT THEM WITH THE WHACKER.

Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now?
ANYBODY BUT LOLA.

How many years older and younger than you are you willing to date?
I'M NOT REALLY WILLING TO DATE UNLESS IT'S DONE IN SECRET.

What brand are your favorite jeans you own?
I DON'T WEAR PANTS.

What is the closest red object to you?
IT'S CHRISTMAS. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

What is your favorite video game?
ZOMBIES ATE MY NEIGHBORS.

Do you play games on your cell phone?
WELL I CAN'T GET PETVILLE ON THERE SO NO.

Do you look more like your mom or dad?
MY DAD.

Have you ever broken an pinata?
I'M ALWAYS THE ONE WHO GETS TO BREAK IT. CAUSE I HAVE AN UNDERLYING ANGER PROBLEM AND I LIKE TO BEAT PEOPLE AND THINGS SO WHEN I GET THE CHANCE I LOVE TO BEAT PINATAS TILL THEY BLEED.

Do you have an iPod or Mp3 player?
I HAVE A STAPLER. IT'S A SWINGLINE.

If someone doesnt like you its probably because:
I'M TOO AWESOME AND THEY ARE JEALOUS. PLUS THEY WANT MY CHUBBY FIGURE.

Who was the last person in your bedroom?
JESUS

What are your plans for this weekend?
I'M GONNA BECOME THE NEW MARTHA STEWART. CAUSE I GOT THE CORPORATE HAIR DOWN.

Have you ever crawled through a window?
OH YES. MY HIP HASN'T BEEN THE SAME.

Do you lose your keys often?
ONLY WHEN I THROW THEM AT THE MAILMAN.

How many keys are on your keychain?
1 PLUS YOUR MOM'S HOUSE KEY

When was your last encounter with the police?
WE HAD A LOVE FEST. TRUE STORY.

Do you sing in the shower?
ONLY WHEN THE SLUGS ARE THERE.

Do you always wear your seatbelt in the car?
YEAH SO I CAN CHEW IT WHEN I AM NERVOUS.

THANKS COME AGAIN.