If I could do it all over again...

You see I was raised in Christ and I strayed away at the age of 12 when my dad stopped going to church.  From 12 to 24 I was away from the Lord.  I came back to Christ 8 years ago and I was on fire and changing my life, living the dream.  But I wasn't strong enough to withstand a backsliding lifestyle.  I was a single mom and I was working 2 jobs to try to bring in the dough.  I was doing the homecare nursing but the business I was working for (my boss is a friend) didn't have a lot of clients so the work was sporadic.  I got a job waiting tables at a restaurant.  I'd waited tables many times in years past and made good money that way.  What I should have done back then was stayed with the nursing and trusted God was gonna care for me.  But I was pretty much a baby in Christ and I didn't have the spiritual maturity I needed.

I controlled it by getting the other job waiting tables.  Well waiting tables turned into bartending which turned into a backsliden Amber.  It was such a slow fade looking back.  Not only was I a baby in Christ but some of the people in my life were not strong Christians at all.  So I had their examples to look to.  I was in a bad way.  Drinking, partying, living it up, dating an atheist!  You see back then Sassy's daddy was alive and we split time with her.  I had her all school week and her dad had her every weekend.  Well that just lent a perfect situation for me to bartend on the weekends and party afterwards.  Bad!  I was driving home one night after work (and after the after-party) and I realized I was drunk driving.  I realized in that moment I could ruin my life, I could lose my daughter.  I barely made it home without crashing and I cried myself to sleep.

The next Monday I called my old boss/friend and told her what was going on could she find me work.  I quit the bartending.  I left the friends I'd made partying (which was not easy let me tell you).  I left the Atheist.  I got a part-time nursing job taking care of one of the most difficult patients I've ever had.  She was Greek (spoke no english), and had bad violent dementia.  I was struggling to make it financially and I kept putting my trust into God.  It was sooooo tempting to go back to bartending where I could make in one night what I was making in a week taking care of this horrible patient.  The temptation was almost impossible to resist.  I kept to it however and I am so glad I did.

Since then I have not backsliden and I have been devoted to Christ.  I have seen His provisions and His care of me.  I have seen His overly large blessings.  I love that God does the hard work but asks us to make choices.  That gives us such good self esteem when you know that God will repair any mess you get yourself in but you have to choose to do right.

If I could do it all over again I would have gotten more grounded in my walk with Christ back when I was 24.  I could've raised Sassy up in Christ so much better.  However, I am grateful that I got my act together enough in time to rescue her from my bad influence.  She has a good influence now and in the most important times of her life.  Tween through teen through adulthood and beyond.  Thank you Jesus!

I always think about how I would raise my little baby girl now (in my strong relationship with God) and it's hard because I wish I had that second chance but I am grateful that God has given me a second chance through her impressionable years and try to be grateful.  Some examples of that are like I'd get an advent calendar that opens up and I'd divide the story of Christ's birth up into scripture reading.  Every night for the month of December we'd read the scriptures up until the day of His birth.  It would be so exciting and meaningful to wait all month to see how and when Jesus was born.

Another thing I'd do surrounding Christmas is only give Sassy 3 gifts.  Just like the wise men.  I'd get rid of all the excess of Christmas and focus solely on Christ.  I'd give one gift representing gold (expensive gift), one representing frankincense, and one representing myrrh.

I have many thoughts all the time of how I would have done it raising her in Christ if I hadn't backslidden for so long.  But I try not to ponder on what I've lost as much as what I can do now.  How I can change things now and remain steady.  One of the ways I have devoted is to go to church no matter what.  Not when we feel like it or here and there, or when we are bored.  We go every week no matter what (unless we're sick).  Church and Christ is the focus of our lives and I dedicate my church attendance to help with that stability.

:)