My Blessed Life

How far will it have to go

2012-02-15T11:01:00.001-05:00

before the tv execs say enough is enough with our vile media? I mean the hippie movement faded out because eventually people went on to have families and realized sexin' everyone up and blowin' your brain up on drugs wasn't exactly the most healthy thing. So when will anyone in media's control say enough is enough this media is just as bad for us. It is shaping a generation of children who get no childhood. They come from child to adult really quickly when they see their role models gyrating on stage. I am adamant about shielding my child from television. We pay $15.00 a month for cable because I have only a small handful of channels on my television allowed. Basically just local channels. Everything else is blocked. I know what everyone says... Tv doesn't raise your child you do.. Blah blah blah. I know. I get it. It still upsets me that the media is so vile. I am writing this with sadness in my heart because I should've followed my intuition but I allowed me and Sassy to watch the Grammy's together. I shouldn't have done it. She is almost 13 and getting into music a little bit. I try and I buy Christian music that is more pop-ish but she doesn't like it so much. She's not allowed to listen to a lot of music and she knows why. She will easily tell you that Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Kesha, and many others are horrible role models and she doesn't want to be like them. But she still hears their songs sometimes like when we ride with others. Where do you draw the line in protecting your child?

So they will bleep out Nicki Minaj's S%#& curse word but she can levitate like a demon?

Rihanna is such a horrible influence on young teen girls.

Even Katy Perry who is relatively sweet must dress in skin-tight clothes and flaunt her sexuality. Taylor Swift and Adele are the only ones who are remotely approveable. And Civil Wars of course.

I am happy Adele won so many grammys. :)

I get tempted to take all TV out of our house. Trust me, very tempted. I wish I would've taken the opportunity to sweetly and kindly talked to Sassy about why some of these performances are so bad for us/her. All I ended up doing was a lot of huffing and puffing, and saying things like, I can't believe that! This is ridiculous. Can you believe they allow this? I've already had the talks with her and she gets it but she is still looking to me for guidance. If I watch it she watches it. I think I'm just mad at myself for even entertaining the idea of watching it with my 13 year old daughter.

So the line is too thin. The line between protection and complete media isolation. I'm leaning towards the media isolation at this point.

Workin' with ms Angel:

2012-02-13T09:01:00.000-05:00

So once a week I do a 12 hour shift. 8a-8p and I work with a sweet 95
year old angel lady. The other 2 days a week I work 7-8 hour shifts
with a 96yo what you could say is the opposite of an angel. O_o

Anyway I have to bring my meals with the angel patient and I don't
have to for the opposite of an angel patient (she pays $ for us to
have food to eat) so sometimes I forget about bringing food to the
angel patient's house.

I always prepare my meals/leftovers the night before and take them in
the morning. Well I forgot this time and I will usually stop at a
grocery store and pick something up. I didn't have time this go around
so I had to stop at the royal farms near her house to try to get meals
for my 12 hour shift (mostly lunch and dinner). I got a big salad, and
a cheese stick. That was gonna be my whole day's food. I'd had
breakfast at home in the AM.

So lunchtime rolls around and we're ready to eat lunch when I realize
the pre-packaged salad comes with creamy dressing. Yuck!! I only do
vinaigrettes I say to myself. So I grab some salt and pepper and olive
oil and I season it myself. ***PUKE!***

Spoiled oil. Have you ever tasted spoiled oil? Its unbearable. Uuuuuggggghhhhh.

So I order some wings and a salad from a pizzeria and feel gross after
gorging on the fast food meal. Which by the way was disgusting. The salad
leaves (romaine) were huge like only cut in half and soaking wet from
being washed. Annoyed!

My angel patient is like a sweet un-tainted old Catholic angel. She
loves Jesus. She is so kind and sweet. One time I took her to a
podiatrist and he was so rude and unkind to her I about lost it. I
flipped my lid. Needless to say she will never go to him. I'm very
deeply impassioned about protecting the elderly, children, and the
mentally ill. Everyone else can pack sand. ;)

Ok that was a random topic.

Sinful Saturday

2012-02-11T09:36:00.000-05:00

~~Cursing the Rich~~

Ecclesiastes 10:20

²⁰ Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say.

Bein' a Bag Lady

2012-02-08T09:12:00.000-05:00

So. I'm a bag lady. Reason being is in my line of work I have a lot of down-time, which by the way leaves a lot of time for planning and lists. I do homecare nursing which means I work in my patient's homes taking care of the elderly. I have 2 patients right now, both women, one is 96 and the other is 95. Totally opposite personalities. Both pay me well and I am blessed. They are both 24 hour cases which means they have around the clock care. My 96yo has 2 nurses on at all times. She's big money like that if you only knew the amount of people she employs just to keep her estate going well. Let's just say she's a multi-billionaire and donates millions of dollars to charity. Have you seen the movie Delores Claiborne? It's kind of like that. 6 pins Delores, 6 pins.

Ok, back to the bags. I have so many bags filled with magazines, books I'm reading, plans, lists, documents, homeschooling materials, calendars, etc. I do sleeper shifts where I have to sleep at the patient's home (get paid to sleep by the way) just in case the other nurse runs into an emergency in the middle of the night. I have a bag for my overnight shifts, and I have a bag for my daytime reading. There's a lot of junk in my bags. Well I can't take the clutter anymore. I bought a kindle fire.

I know. I know. I'm one of those people. But it is really for work only. I love my books and have a huge collection of books that I will always keep but this is for my reading at work. It has a billion apps and music and movies, etc. It's pretty fly. I don't have to bag up my items anymore I just put the kindle in my purse and go. Just that simple. While we're on the topic of gadgets, Sassy has been saving her allowance money, Christmas money, and any other kind of money for an ipod touch. She finally got it and is so excited. :)

I've been fighting against the technology out of rebellion for a long time merely having a BlackBerry phone but I have cracked and got the kindle fire. It is what it is!

City Life :)

2012-02-06T09:12:00.003-05:00

I love City Life. I always have. I never will not. Sassy and I took a day to go downtown and experience our beloved Baltimore City. Philly is my favorite city culturally. NYC is my favorite city industrially. Baltimore is my favorite city of hometown love.

Sassy hates elevators. 9 flights of steps. Oyy!!

The Gallery Mall. :)

View from our restaurant.

Is she cute or what??

Delicious Tapas!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

I found a I love my Boxer car magnet. Sold! ;) The trip was worth the magnet alone.

Sinful Saturday

2012-02-04T13:35:00.001-05:00

~~Not Going to Church or Assembling Together~~

Hebrews 10:24-25

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Acts 2:46-47

Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Vitamins

2012-02-03T08:56:00.000-05:00

I am a vitamin, holistic, hippieish fanatic. Being in the medical field you'd think I'd be the opposite but I am not a fan of modern medicine. I take a ton of vitamins and herbs each day. I'm pretty knowledgeable about the different kinds of herbal remedies and ailments going on in the world. I can also walk to a natural vitamin market where the lady who owns it is like a master of herbal remedies. You go in with any problem and she's got the herb to fix it!! :)

I'm on a system!

I take my vitamins with the Bolthouse fruit drinks. They are yummie, they count as a serving of fruit, and they are thick so they make the vitamins go down nicely!

In an unrelated turn of events, Girl Dog wears a hoodie!!

Anyone have any good vitamins they can't live without?

My 500th Blog Post!!!!

2012-02-01T14:48:00.000-05:00

Holy Moly! I can't believe it. I have been blogging since 2008. 4 years. I started blogging as an online journal of sorts without identity and more of a private way. Then I had to change it of course because people were reading my journal entries! So it has still remained an online journal but not on a real deep or personal level. Much I keep out. But much I put in. I feel that I am quite translucent and kinda like it that way. I got nothin' to hide. Or do I?? muahahahahaaaa. You'll never know.

I have only a few loyal followers and that's how I like it. I have seen blogs grow into Uber-blogs and that's great but I prefer a few loyal online pals than people who comment on your blog just to advertise their own. I"m just honest like that. ;)

On a very random note I need to wash my windows!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you friends for your prayers, support, and following my sometimes whiny annoying blog posts!! <3

Purging the Toxic

2012-01-30T09:28:00.000-05:00

In my readings through these two books I have learned much.

Purging the toxic people is so imperative but it is difficult. For years after giving my life to Christ I held onto horribly toxic relationships out of comfort. Well I have slowly but surely purged many of the toxic friendships and relationships in my life. Since then I have grown a great deal spiritually. I am so peaceful now. If you cringe at the sight of a certain friend or person calling you or texting you that is a sign. You should be happy to see a call or text from someone who lifts you up, pours into your life, and encourages you. If you frequently walk away from a person drained emotionally you need to evaluate. Of course everyone goes through trials and hard times but a consistent energy vampire will drain the life right out of you.

What I found is that I couldn't just eliminate people from my life by telling them they sucked. I had to wait for an opportunity and a real reason to leave the relationship. After years and years of digs, condescending abuse, manipulation, drug abuse, adultery, and the list goes on and on and on. I had to look for a way out and then take it.

I think because I am a single woman I look to my friendships to fill the gap where I lack in a marital relationship. Which isn't necessarily right but it is what happens. In years past I have looked at collecting people. Getting lots of friendships and relationships to feel valued and important. As God has allowed me to wean the negative relationships out of my life I have visual clarity into what healthy relationships look like. Including the #1, my relationship with God.

Purging the toxic people can be painful, lonely, difficult, and down-right hard but I believe it is imperative for my life personally.

Cheers! to writing people off.

Sinful Saturday

2012-01-28T11:16:00.000-05:00

~~Speaking about Other People's Evil~~

Ephesians 5:11-12

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.

Cleaning...

2012-01-25T09:37:00.000-05:00

I absolutely lovvvve a clean house. I don't like cleaning it but I love when it is clean.

Here's an example of one of my documents on my fridge: (yes it's that serious. what can I say, I love documents, order, planning, and lists.)

House Cleaning Schedule---Deep Cleaning

Every 3 weeks a day will be set aside for deep cleaning the house.
Here’s a list of the chores that need to be done on that day:

Schedule for 3-week cleaning days go as follows: (cross off as completed)

Monday, December 19, 2011

Deep clean both bathrooms (dust, wash, sweep, mop) Dust all surfaces
Deep clean kitchen (sink, counters, table, fridge, cabinets) Windex all glass surfaces
Murphy’s Oil Soap Baseboards & Windowsills Wash rugs (that can be washed)
Vacuum all floors and rugs Mop floors and Bona floors

I know, I'm a document making, list following, over-planning freak! Ha! I do love to delegate however. I love to have hired help around the house. I can't afford it but I love being the boss. ;)

What I have found is that with a scheduled cleaning day every 3 weeks I don't fret over any of my housework. It is just Sassy and I (along with the pets) and the occasional stay from my mom when I am working and we really don't get the house too dirty. Some families need a deep cleaning day every 2 weeks, some once a month. I've found 3 weeks to be perfect for me.

I have noticed through the years I feel very peaceful when my house is clean. I do have some OCD so for me to be in a house that is really dirty really bothers me. Without a scheduled deep cleaning day I am all over the house cleaning and organizing almost everyday. This scheduled day helps to keep me in balance. I don't clean much of anything until that 3 week day. It is literally scheduled in on my calendar. I don't schedule plans, I tell people I have an appointment. Which I do. An appointment with keeping my OCD sanity under control.

Of course I'm not a crazy freak of nature if something bad or emergent comes up I drop the rags and I tend to. But for the most part, every 3rd Monday I am M.I.A. I've got a system and it usually only takes me about 3 hours to do the whole house. 3-4 hours to keep the house clean every 3 weeks is better than me putting around everyday trying to keep the house up. I'm not a crazy freak in that I'd leave a spill if something happened for 3 weeks either, of course I clean. I do dishes, laundry, kitchen cleaning, and spills. Everything else waits.

It is freedom!!! :D It gives me more time. Anyone else have a weird cleaning system like me?

I wanna know why

2012-01-23T08:22:00.000-05:00

so many people's blogs look the same. I mean they don't all look exactly the same but they basically say the same things. They do the same things. Their intro looks the same: Wife to 1 awesome husband, mother to 2 radical kids, crafter, cook, gardener, just a woman saved by grace... blah blah blah. I ain't knockin I'm just sayin' they all sound the same. Their interior decor looks the same also. Undoubtedly there is something in the house that has been re-purposed, something with a large number on it, same books they are reading, you get the picture. I don't know about you but I don't know anyone in real life who lives like that.

It would seem that the only kind of acceptable blog posts for some would be that of crafting, cooking, or whatever else they think will get a lot of responses and comments. It just seems that people's lives are highly affected by others' blogs. When you see a sea of women who all kinda look the same, act the same, say the same things it's disheartening. Blogging is great, don't get me wrong but I think a lot of women look inside other women's lives and emulate. Where's their own passions, thoughts, and life experiences? Do they create life experiences based on the blogs they read?

Am I wrong here? Am I the only hater out there? I'm not really a hater but if I drank some haterade it could help with this discussion.

I've always been rebellious in nature. Sometimes good rebellion sometimes bad. I was always very put off by people who just did what everyone else did. In high school I had some of the most interesting but strange friends because I could care less about people who followed everyone else. I see that rebellion in me has not changed. I am still annoyed by it. I remember when I was young people trying to peer pressure me into smoking pot and I would smirkly laugh at them, kindly saying no, internally saying you moron. I was so annoyed with people who were peer pressured because they lacked a pair of you know what's. I'm not angel. I've drank a 40 or two. What I'm saying is that not being a follower is who I am. It's who God made me. I don't really know how to turn it into a positive thing yet but I'm sure I will with God's help.

Mamma always said I was a trend setter and it's true. My friends and acquaintances look to me for advice and ideas. I am so put off by generic conversations and people. I know not everyone is going to be all radical and stuff. I get it. But I can't seem to turn off my annoyance with followers. I try to just accept it but it still bothers me apparently. My dad was the same way I guess he passed that down honestly.

Every single fight I've ever been in was because I was protecting someone from a bully. I remember when I was younger this horrible bully would pick on my friend (who was my neighbor). I snapped and snapped on her, fighting her off. After that I taught my friend how to fight in the back yard. Full-on karate lessons. It was so cute. A month or so later that bully came again picking on my friend and my friend let her have it!! This time the bully went away crying. I was so proud of her!!! She still talks about it to this day. I fought boys in my neighborhood for picking on my little brothers. When I was in high school another bully was picking on my friend and needless to say... I stepped in and pounced. Then there was the funny unforgettable fight of '95. I was a sophomore and this jack-wagon kept hitting on my best friend. She was already dating someone and wasn't interested. He was a big black guy and he was a senior. She was a passive person and had a hard time shaking this sex predator. I tried to let her handle it, I did. He got annoyed with her and he lightly pushed her and her shoulder bumped into the locker while calling her a nasty name. I snapped! I attacked like a freaking wild lion on a hyena. I jumped on his back and punched the living daylights out of him. I kicked him in the nuts. It was like I had super human strength against this huge senior. People were just starring with their mouths wide open. I remember in the middle of that fight looking up and seeing people's faces in shock. I beat that guy up. Big time. After the fight was broken up he was yelling I'm gonna take you to court with my balls in a jar! Lolzzz. Funny. I actually got suspended for that one. He was then known as the guy who got beat up by a girl. People still talk about that fight and nobody messed with my Kimmie again!

Me and Injustice don't mix. Me and bullies don't mix. If you only knew how many caregivers I've had fired because of abuse or neglect of my elderly patients. I spent most of my childhood grown up in a trailer park. Those places are the pits of the earth, let me tell you. This is why I have such a plethora of fighting experiences to share on my resume.

In closing I'd like to say that I am looking for ways that God can use this rebellious, leader type person so that I don't get bothered by people with duplicate blogs. Simple as that. I'm not sure how crafting, being saved by grace, and cooking turned into 40's, fights, and balls in a jar. Oh well, take it or leave it!

Sinful Saturday

2012-01-21T11:43:00.000-05:00

Heheheh. I thought this one was funny.

--Striking a Man in the Groin--

Deuteronomy 25:11-12

If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.

***Disclaimer: I should have no hands! :O

Camera fail.

2012-01-20T09:08:00.000-05:00

Remember when I said I was going FILM again??? Well I did and we had an epic fail Houston. I guess my camera just sat too long because it took horrible photos. This camera used to take the best photos. Idk but I was highly annoyed. Here's some horrible lookin' photos I took in my camera. o_O

Girl Dog with her Christmas gifts.

Sassy's Squinkies

Sassy at her Nana's

Sassy wrapping gifts

Girl Dog sitting for a treat

Old pic of Sassy and Tt that was left in the camera.

Uh yeah. Pathetic!

Midnight walk around town on Christmas night.

Just Dance 3

I always win games cause I'm slick.

Sassy's barbies in the Caboodle car taking the Squinkie orphans to the mall.

Me waking up in the AM.

So I am annoyed.
I am so annoyed I may have to buy a new digital camera.
Or just really try to figure out how to take good pics with the one I have. :/

This is my digital camera I've had for like 5 years.

Current's

2012-01-18T08:25:00.000-05:00

Aight, so everyone is doing it. I will too....

current guilty pleasure: Real Housewives. Uggggg.

current nail color: Baby pink.

current playlist: Joanna Newsom, Bon Iver, Mumford & Sons, Avett Bros, DMB, Norah Jones

current read: Boundaries (with the workbook!) Dr Cloud and Dr Towsend

current drink: Christmas winter hot tea!

current food: GF spaghetti with roasted grape tomatoes, spinach, garlic, ricotta, parmesean. yummie

current favorite show: One and only, baby. PARENTHOOD.

current wish list: Merry Maids

current needs: A freaking Spa Day.

current triumphs: Deleting my Facebook phone app. No longer being addicted to the notifications. I check it when I get online. ;)

current bane of my existence: Wondering if Tt will ever except the Girl Dog. The expense of feeding a boxer with food allergies!

current celebrity crush: Danny Dyer <3

current indulgence: I eat 10 fruits or veggies a day no matter what. I slip in the dairy and meat and desserts but my list of 10 has to be eaten everyday no matter what. I even made a spreadsheet for it! :D

current blessing: Uh have ya read my blog? I have more blessings than a person should!

current outfit: Well today is my day off and I'm goin' to lunch with my girlie. Purple Delia's shirt with Magenta ruffled cardigan, dark jeans, ruffilie flats, silpada jewelry, nine west purse.

current excitement: Looking forward to next weekend, 4 days off with date night with bff, and a weekend of organizing my basement! I know, how is that exciting??

current mood: Awesome!

current link: http://www.ransomedheart.com/

Lovely Sundays

2012-01-16T08:24:00.000-05:00

I love Sundays! For the last year or so I have been very protective of my Sundays. I don't let people swindle me into tasks, plans, get together's, babysitting, or football parties. All of those things are grand, and maybe once in a couple months I will do them but Sundays are solely dedicated to my three R's: routine, relaxation, and restoration. My life is so chaotic that I demand Sundays be as routine for Sassy as possible. Bottom line, church comes before all. Church is all. Without that fundamental foundation of fellowship, learning, accountability, and worship my life is angry and chaotic. I want Sassy to know that church and God come first, all other plans are optional. The only thing I schedule on Sundays is church so it is naturally a very relaxing day. I do not do housework or unwanted tasks. It is a day of restoration for a busy and stressful week. We look forward to our Sunday worship together. Sassy takes it seriously. She loves going to church and gets upset if we have to miss it for some reason. She loves taking communion and prays during the service. I am so proud of her! I know I said if I could do it all over again I would but realistically Sassy and I are in a great place spiritually and obediently. Words can't express how grateful I am for that.

Has anyone ever heard of Monvee? We got the pack for like $10 at my church this past Sunday and I am so excited to get started. :o) I really need to value my church more and see it for the spiritual discipleship it has.

After church we sometimes go to lunch. I'd say about half the time. We either go to Boston Market, Bertucci's, Chipotle, or Panera. This time it was Bertucci's. I am on a thing where I eat 10 fruits or veggies a day. No matter what. Meats, cheeses, sweets all have to be fit in but 10 is a mandatory daily. I love it!! The check is always so small at Bertucci's because you get free bread with oil and free salad. Sassy got Ravioli and I got a veggie platter. This accounted for a few of my veggie servings. :)

Romas, Artichokes, Roasted peppers, Roasted garlic, Zucchini, Eggplant, Broccoli.

This time we shopped at Target. I've been carrying around my old raged Nine West snakeskin bag for years. I got a new one. :) I know it won't hold up as long but oh well. It's greyish.

I also bought this:

Now I can watch anytime! :)

This Sunday I had to make more of my breakfast cereal. I eat it every single morning with vanilla Soy Milk. It's all gluten free. :)

I mix all these ingredients and scoop it out for breakfast.

This Sunday we relaxed watching movies, playing with Cora, and eating left overs.

Sinful Saturday

2012-01-14T11:39:00.000-05:00

--Carrying a Grudge--

James 2:10:

For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.

1 Peter 4:9

Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.

James 5:9

Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!

When you realize you are free.

2012-01-12T19:36:00.000-05:00

I live in Maryland. In my opinion MD is one of the most liberal, angry, contentious states on the planet but hey maybe I'm biased. When I visit other states (like down south) people are actually nice. When my aunt, uncle, and cousins moved down south and I would visit I thought the people who would very bubbly wave were being sarcastic. I thought the waitresses in the restaurants were being overly kind as a joke to run back and laugh at us later. The people are actually polite. It took me years of visiting down south to get used to it and I am still not used to it. I have grown up in Maryland in the Baltimore region and I am used to honking horns, middle fingers, loud sighs, people sucking their teeth in disgust, eye rolls, people constantly raising their voices, loud cursing, lots of gossiping, angry mothers yelling at their kids, no sense of community, annoyance, irritability, fighting, despair, the list goes on.

When I visit other states I feel like I am in heaven. I know it's fading and that eventually I'd find some jerks down south but in the grand scheme of things MD is full of jerks! What I realize is that it is easy to follow Christ around other believers (in the bible belt) and around happy kind people. It is so hard to act as Christ would around the jerks. One day you realize you used to be a jerk like that and that naturally, Christ has changed you into a much better person. You realize you are free from being that jerk. You make good choices. You don't blow your horn, flick people off, argue with the checkout girl, roll your eyes, and treat people badly because Christ is your role model and you love Him.

I'm glad I am free and I feel bad when I see people in bondage and in great angst. I wish someone would tell them about Christ. Oh wait. I guess I could do that. ;)

Sinful Saturday

2012-01-07T11:13:00.000-05:00

--Not forgiving others--

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25-26

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.

Luke 17:4

Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.

Things...

2012-01-05T08:55:00.000-05:00

Girl Cat loves her basket!

Girl Dog loves her bed-time!

!!!!!!

Sassy wakes up and snuggles with Girl Dog. There's that shirt again!

There's a huntress on the prowl!

She's contemplating her kill!

Welp, turns out she just wanted a sniff fest with the tree.

Man, look at her she is really into that sniff fest!

Tt being an agile cat!

Some updated photos of me. :)

Hygiene

2012-01-02T10:26:00.001-05:00

I change my beauty products like crazy. But... Here's what I'm into lately.

AM CARE:

BODY:

with a loofah

After shower oil spray :)

OR:

My absolute fav!

Lovely thick delicious smelling lotion

FACE:

I only wash my face about 3 times a week in the shower. When I use face wash it is this:

The other 4 days a week I wash my face with honey in the shower. :)

For a toner I use a Rosewater solution. In a mixing bottle I have 1/8 cup rosewater, 1/8 cup H20, 1 tbsp vitamin E oil, and 1 tbsp aloe vera. I use this with a cotton ball to tone my skin.

For moisture after the toner I rotate the following products:

I can't survive without coconut oil!

HAIR:

For shampoo I have a bottle mixed with 1/2 and 1/2 of the following:

My hair cannot take straight shampoo everyday so it's gotta be mixed!

For conditioner I rotate the following products:

I keep the conditioner on the entire length of the shower and towards the end I put honey through my hair which helps lock in the moisture and makes the hair shiny and awesome!

PM CARE:

I take a shower every morning and then in the evening I take a warm bath. I have an OCD thing about getting into bed even slightly dirty. Getting a warm bath not only helps with my OCD but makes me sleepy!

In my bath I add the following (every night):

(for bubble and skin moisture)

I usually use the lavender or chamomile.

I do not wash my face in the bath, just put water on it.

After the bath I do not put lotion on I just brush my teeth and do an oil solution on my face. I take square cotton face pads and rub coconut oil on it. I then rub my entire face with the coconut oil. The oil gets rid of impurities and dirt and the oil also deeply moisturizes my skin.

When I do wear makeup (which is not often) I use Pond's Cold Cream to remove it.

That's it!! Of course Sassy and I have beauty nights where we use all our homemade beauty recipes and do our hair, skin, and nails. That is always fun. But these are my daily regular routines. :o)

Sinful Saturday

2011-12-31T10:32:00.000-05:00

Do you know how many sins are in the bible? How many sins we do everyday and don't realize it?? I found out it is almost more than I can count. 667 to be exact. That would be weird if it was 666. :O

I found this SIN LIST and was blown away. Of course a lot of them are kind of repeated to be stated in a certain situation. At first glance I was annoyed. "Well, how are we supposed to live like that?" Then my feelings turned to awe as I realized God is none of those 667 things. He is so pure and so good. He does none of those. Jesus did none of those. That is amazing. In order to learn the character of Christ and the character of God I am doing a huge study kind of memorizing scripture surrounding sin. Every Saturday will be Sinful Saturday as I schedule posts to be listed on one sin a week with the scripture that backs it up.

This is good for me because it helps me to realize how to live, how Christ lived, how pure God is, how much reverence I have for Him, and basically studying scripture.

Here is this week's Sinful Saturday:

Following the Desires of the Mind--Ephesians 2:3

All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.

Click here for all of my posts on Sinful Saturdays: HERE!

If I could do it all over again...

2011-12-30T09:41:00.000-05:00

You see I was raised in Christ and I strayed away at the age of 12 when my dad stopped going to church. From 12 to 24 I was away from the Lord. I came back to Christ 8 years ago and I was on fire and changing my life, living the dream. But I wasn't strong enough to withstand a backsliding lifestyle. I was a single mom and I was working 2 jobs to try to bring in the dough. I was doing the homecare nursing but the business I was working for (my boss is a friend) didn't have a lot of clients so the work was sporadic. I got a job waiting tables at a restaurant. I'd waited tables many times in years past and made good money that way. What I should have done back then was stayed with the nursing and trusted God was gonna care for me. But I was pretty much a baby in Christ and I didn't have the spiritual maturity I needed.

I controlled it by getting the other job waiting tables. Well waiting tables turned into bartending which turned into a backsliden Amber. It was such a slow fade looking back. Not only was I a baby in Christ but some of the people in my life were not strong Christians at all. So I had their examples to look to. I was in a bad way. Drinking, partying, living it up, dating an atheist! You see back then Sassy's daddy was alive and we split time with her. I had her all school week and her dad had her every weekend. Well that just lent a perfect situation for me to bartend on the weekends and party afterwards. Bad! I was driving home one night after work (and after the after-party) and I realized I was drunk driving. I realized in that moment I could ruin my life, I could lose my daughter. I barely made it home without crashing and I cried myself to sleep.

The next Monday I called my old boss/friend and told her what was going on could she find me work. I quit the bartending. I left the friends I'd made partying (which was not easy let me tell you). I left the Atheist. I got a part-time nursing job taking care of one of the most difficult patients I've ever had. She was Greek (spoke no english), and had bad violent dementia. I was struggling to make it financially and I kept putting my trust into God. It was sooooo tempting to go back to bartending where I could make in one night what I was making in a week taking care of this horrible patient. The temptation was almost impossible to resist. I kept to it however and I am so glad I did.

Since then I have not backsliden and I have been devoted to Christ. I have seen His provisions and His care of me. I have seen His overly large blessings. I love that God does the hard work but asks us to make choices. That gives us such good self esteem when you know that God will repair any mess you get yourself in but you have to choose to do right.

If I could do it all over again I would have gotten more grounded in my walk with Christ back when I was 24. I could've raised Sassy up in Christ so much better. However, I am grateful that I got my act together enough in time to rescue her from my bad influence. She has a good influence now and in the most important times of her life. Tween through teen through adulthood and beyond. Thank you Jesus!

I always think about how I would raise my little baby girl now (in my strong relationship with God) and it's hard because I wish I had that second chance but I am grateful that God has given me a second chance through her impressionable years and try to be grateful. Some examples of that are like I'd get an advent calendar that opens up and I'd divide the story of Christ's birth up into scripture reading. Every night for the month of December we'd read the scriptures up until the day of His birth. It would be so exciting and meaningful to wait all month to see how and when Jesus was born.

Another thing I'd do surrounding Christmas is only give Sassy 3 gifts. Just like the wise men. I'd get rid of all the excess of Christmas and focus solely on Christ. I'd give one gift representing gold (expensive gift), one representing frankincense, and one representing myrrh.

I have many thoughts all the time of how I would have done it raising her in Christ if I hadn't backslidden for so long. But I try not to ponder on what I've lost as much as what I can do now. How I can change things now and remain steady. One of the ways I have devoted is to go to church no matter what. Not when we feel like it or here and there, or when we are bored. We go every week no matter what (unless we're sick). Church and Christ is the focus of our lives and I dedicate my church attendance to help with that stability.

:)

Christmas 2011

2011-12-27T09:26:00.000-05:00

A Christmas list is always a good thing, don't you think?

This Christmas consisted of:

Church. Duh.
Christmas movie night and gift exchange with the girls.
Christmas Eve family time with Cracker Barrel brunch, gifts, and Christmas movies
The whole Christmas day with me, Sassy, Cora, and Tt
Christmas night walk around our beautiful town with Cora to see the lights and the nativity scene
No major Christmas cooking. (Christmas consisted of Chicken breasts, GF gnocchi, and broccoli)

That's it.

I told you I was keepin' it simple this year and let me tell you I have NEVER felt closer to my Lord than this current time.

I knocked out all the Christmas baking, and hoopla that Christmas brings and really concentrated on my Lord. I've been in the Word, watched my Christian DVD's (preaching), prayed, spent time with Him. I'm glad I did it this Christmas. It was worth it. :)

Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T06:18:00.001-05:00

Blog friends,

Merry Christmas. I pray you are well and enjoy this day our Savior Jesus Christ was born. Enjoy your families and the slowness that is Christmas day.

Love,

Amber, Sassy, Tt, and Cora.

Revisiting my photography passion

2011-12-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

I went to college initially for photography. We're talking a decade ago when we learned in the darkroom. There was real art happening in that darkroom. I had to peel myself away from the darkroom. I did huge b&w photos, hand-coloring, cross-processing, etc. I loved it. I have boxes of my old darkroom b&w photos just hangin' around. I miss it. I was in college when the transition was going from darkroom to digital and I didn't like it. I am trained on photoshop, illustrator, all that stuff and I just don't like it. I don't know why. I haven't a clue. I have tried for so long to like it.

I went to college and a special art school in Baltimore City and I was in my glory. Something about the digital world doesn't seem artistic to me. I hate digital cameras, I dislike the lack of work and creativity it takes to alter a picture in a photo program. I hate that anyone and their mamma can basically do artistic photography because of easy to use photography programs. I abandoned photography because I knew it was a difficult line of work to be in and I switched to nursing. I wonder what would have happened if I didn't. Anyway I have been frustrated with photography for years. Not only do I hate digital cameras but the prints you get for online photo programs are horrible!! They always crop the photos and chop people's heads off. I have tried multiple different settings, multiple different sites and they all do it. I guess they are trying to make the photos look better by cropping them but, I was trained to set up the photo in the camera so that composition is perfect for printing.

I got my old film camera out. My Cannon. I love it. I dusted it off, cleaned it up and changed the batteries. There was still film left in the chamber. I finished the roll. I instantly felt connected to my old camera. It reminded me of all those old days I loved photography. I've been snapping like a crazy person. Film photography it will have to be for me. I can always get the cd disc when I get pictures developed so I can share online. I feel so excited about getting back into my photography. My camera does what I tell it to do not what it thinks is best because it's a digital tyrant. Ahhhhh. I love it!

In between paragraphs are some of my photography. I literally have thousands of photos both film and digital and a massive collection of photo albums. :o)

I'm happy to get back into my photography. :o)

Losing Femininity

2011-12-19T08:32:00.000-05:00

I was out and about in the Baltimore area after church yesterday, and when the Baltimore Ravens are playing you know it. Baltimore Ravens fans are crazzzzy about their Ravens. And we're doing pretty well btw. Anyway I was overwhelmed by the sea of purple jerseys everywhere. What I also noticed is that more women than men were wearing jerseys. Jeans, Ravens jersey, fuzzy boots, and spiky overly-dyed hair. I was so turned off by how many women were so unfeminine. I imagined them watching the game yelling and howling and dancing watching a football game. I also imagined they didn't really like football that much that they just did it for their husbands or boyfriends. I know that's not always the case. I don't care for sports one bit but when Sassy's daddy had football parties I was in the mix of it and learned a lot. Of course I was always happier in the kitchen cooking up snacks for the party! ;)

I think women are vastly losing their femininity. Most of the women I know rarely wear dresses or skirts. It's jeans and a top. There's nothing wrong with that of course but I sense a general shifting away from femininity. At least with myself. I noticed a loss in my femininity when I became a single mom. All of the sudden I have to do everything which includes some heavy man-ish jobs. Amidst all of the man-ish jobs I have also closed down my heart by running away from my emotions. When life and tragedies hit you so hard it is a natural thing to protect the heart by avoiding feeling painful emotions. When that happens women stop expressing their feelings, stop trusting their intuitions, and shut the door on the inner life completely.

Buying a house and becoming completely self sufficient hasn't helped in the loss of femininity either. It makes me feel more powerful and less like the woman God made me to be. Another reason my femininity has flew the coop is because of my addiction to doing. In this busy culture we live in where accomplishments and material things are trophies we get stuck in a quest to be productive. The to-do-list has to be done while the child is left to fend for themselves for entertainment. Workaholism completely destroys a fruitful inner life and women are made to have a strong inner life where emotions are good. Society makes you think that people who are emotional are "crazy" or "weird" when women are naturally supposed to make good use of their emotions. Even certain preachers will tell you to turn off your emotions or ignore your feelings. Emotional intelligence and intuition are some of women's most valuable assets to navigate through life. To think like a man is a sure fire way to crush the wisdom of femininity.

Lol.

I feel I have stuffed away my femininity for the sake of practicality. Most days I wear my stretch pants and a t-shirt. If I go out I wear jeans, a nice top, my silver jewelry, and boots or flats. There used to be a time where I dressed up for everything and really cared about my appearance. Of course femininity is not all about clothing. Clothing is an outward expression of what is going on inside. I truly love feminine things but I have gotten so off track. The photos I've added don't necessarily show femininity but they are representative of when I last felt really feminine.

I used to love dressing up and fashion.

It is a slow fade and a gradual thing to lose who you once were. I am on a quest to get my homegirl back. She has been sorely missed! My homegirl being that of me who was once feminine and loved all things girly.

Just because women have the freedom to live like men and run ship doesn't mean we should! Knowing what characteristics the Lord expects of me as a woman is really a catalyst to get back to my old self. I've been lost for quite sometime now.

I have also seen this rubbing off on my daughter. She wears pj pants and hoodies out and about. Even when we are going somewhere nice she keeps it super casual. She used to love fashion and dressing up and being a girly girl. I have seriously rubbed off on her. I think another part of it lies in me gaining weight and not wanting to dress my body. I know I should be losing this weight but it's the last area of super control I have in my life and I hold onto that weight for dear life! o_O In Sassy's defense she got the big boob curse from both sides of her family so she has a real hard time hiding those puppies. She tries everything she can to conceal them. She wears two sports bras, baggy clothes, etc. It is difficult to have a 12yo who needs to wear woman's clothing because of what's happening up top! :|

Speaking of Sassy's femininity. Look at how beautiful and feminine she is. :)

In honor of femininity today I have girlied-up-my blog!!!

The Real Housewives...

2011-12-16T08:43:00.002-05:00

Bahahahahahaaaa...

When life was dull..

2011-12-13T17:11:00.000-05:00

When life was dull I wanted excitement. Now that it is full of excitement I want it dull. !!!!!!!

What's the deali-O?

Well Since Sept. 16th (the 4 year anniversary of my dad's suicide) my life has been full of unwanted excitement. A family member of mine who I am extremely close to (not Sassy) is going through the hardest time of their life. They are fighting for their life. I am fighting for their life. It has been the hardest, worst time. I can easily look back at some of the hardest things I have gone through. Sassy's daddy's suicide, my dad's suicide, my family's home fire which took everything including pets, and buying a house. Add all those things together and it pales in comparison to how stressful this current situation is.

There are times when I want to give up. When I want to go crazy. But I can't. I'm not in control. The family member and God are in control. It is desperately painful however. It is a long journey that cannot be mended overnight.

What I've noticed through this situation is that God provides exactly the respite I need at the exact time I feel like breaking down. I've had to be very proactive about taking care of myself and my stress level. Here's some of the things I've been doing to keep my head above the blankets!

Listen to books on tape, walk the dog, get a massage, drink hot tea, at home facials and hair treatments, call a friend and vent, do a bible study on whatever is stressing me, watch movies in my sweats drinking a glass of wine, swimming, baking.

So my question is any more ideas about how to keep my stress level in check???

Christmas Exhaustion

2011-12-05T09:52:00.001-05:00

This Christmas I am chillaxin'. Many Christmases ago I did everything a person could do around Christmas time. Here's a list of things I did and did to excess:

Shopping--for tons and tons of gifts no matter what the cost on my finances.
Baking not one or two Christmas cookies but about 12.
Decorating every corner of my house in lights and decor.
Buying myself an elaborate gift.
Trying to visit every relative and person I know around Christmas time.
Buying gifts for co-workers.
Going to the Nutcracker
Going to see Christmas lights
Going to Christmas plays
Going to Christmas parties
Make Homemade Christmas decorations
String cranberries
String popcorn
Go to a Christmas store.
Cut down our own tree.
Go ice skating.
Open a gift on Christmas eve.

Previous year's Christmas baking

Ok so none of these things are bad but if you do all these things every season like I have in past years, trying to be it all and do it all you are exhausted and cannot enjoy the Christmas season. You also cannot enjoy the meaning of Christmas. Christ. You've got no time for Him because you are so busy. This year I have decided to slim it wayyyy down. I decorated very minimally. No elaborate Christmas village this year. No decorating every room. I will be baking one kind of Christmas cookie and batch bake it. I will send most of them to Soldier's Angels. I got all my Christmas shopping done in late November and all my gifts have been under the tree for weeks. I am determined to spend December with Christ. Getting all the Christmas hoopla done in late November really allows me to enjoy my season. Instead of doing everything on my list every year I will choose a few every year to do and enjoy. Two mandatory traditions that I will keep every year are cutting down our own fresh tree and opening one gift on Christmas Eve. Everything else is optional. Out of the list above (which btw is a random list I know there are way more things than that) I have decided to go see Hampden 33rd Street Christmas lights in Baltimore City, and the rest of my time will be spent with family and Christ. I want a more simple life.

So this Christmas I refuse to live in the hoopla of Christmas exhaustion but enjoy and love the Christmas season as I prepare my heart for Christ.

Funny

2011-12-02T07:43:00.000-05:00

Sassy took a shot of me napping! What on earth is GirlDog's leg doing? Bahhahahahaaa. :)

And now what is she doing with her legs????

Playing the single mom card.

2011-11-30T07:44:00.000-05:00

So a situation came up recently. You see my house is a duplex.

And... my porch is beautiful....

But this porch wasn't laid right and it was pushing into the foundation. The Realtor who I bought this house from owns the other half and has been trying to rent it out or sell it. The last people he rented it to were great neighbors. Quiet, sweet, grew veggies and we swapped them. :)

So anyway, the Realtor wanted to fix the porch (before selling it) and lay new stairs and concrete in the front to give it better curb appeal. He of course can't just do one side so I volunteered to offer some moola. I told him let's have a meeting to go over the costs and details and go from there. I had a week to think about it.

In the mean time I had lots of workers tearing up my beautiful porch. I made them save that slate. I didn't want it going anywhere but back on my porch. There goes my sidewalk, there goes my steps! It was a loud week that's for sure. My home has 3 entrances so I just had to go in the side doors. :) I had all different kinds of men working on my porch including a family of Amish men.

Now to the playing the single mom card part. This is the conviction part on my heart. All week long thoughts ran in my head of the following:

You don't have to pay that much because it was his project.
You shouldn't put much in because he's paying for it. You don't owe him anything.
You can get over because there's no way he can make you pay anything.
He's a Realtor and he's married. He makes more than you do!!
You can say, "oh, I'm a single mom. I can't afford much."

And here's where the single mom card comes in. Many a times I've been tempted to pull out that oh, I'm just a single mom card. I can't do this. I can't do that. I can't afford this. I have to struggle financially because I'm a single mom. NO. It's a self-pity, victimization lie that isn't true. I can afford it and I'm not gonna lie. I see people ride their single mom card all the way baby. I'm talking they use that as such a crutch, an advantage, and a way to get over as much as they can. I cannot do that. I answer to God. I see people who look at others who have more than they do as always having to put in the money (because they make more money.) Where is the morals people?

So I had in my mind a thought that I would pay 40% and Realtor would pay 60%. Then I heard a specific number over and over again in my mind. God was letting me know He wants me to step up and be a woman and be responsible and most importantly be obedient to what He was asking me to do. I did the math the number I was thinking was exactly 40%. I am obedient to my Lord. He runs my life, my finances, and everything else. If I ignore His whispers and His little opportunities to be obedient to Him I am robbing myself.

So I have people saying, "I hope you're not paying for that." Or, "You better not have to put in much money for that since it's Realtor's project." I just smile and say oh, I'm contributing some but he is contributing more. I'll never tell what the numbers are or I'll never tell one of my friends what percentage. It's irrelevant. The important part is doing what I believe God is asking me to. It's a lesson in obedience more than money. God is my provider.

So I called Realtor and told him my plan. He was elated but assured me I didn't have to pay what I couldn't afford. I told him I will give him the 40% but he must write up a contract and I will pay him on a monthly basis until it is paid off. He happily agreed. You never know what God is doing. You never know why He asks us to do certain things His way. You just have to do them. My character and relationship with God is more important than me getting over on anything.

So are there any cards you like to play? Oh, I'm just a stay at home mom. I only work part time. I have to let my friend always get the tab because she makes more money than I do... Playing cards and sitting up in victim roles hasn't gotten me anywhere in the past so I don't ride them.

Days like this...

2011-11-28T08:44:00.000-05:00

I love days at home with no agenda. Mostly I have no agenda today because I'm having an appliance delivered and I can't go anywhere. lol. So what do days like this look like?

Morning walks with my Girl Dog
Home-made delicious breakfast
Yummy dinner in the crock-pot
Running local errands with GirlDog in the car.
Cleanin' and Putting around the house.
Candles lit.
Music on.
Bible readin'.
Nappin' in the afternoon.

Like my little Christmas trees?? And those B&W photos are ones I took back when I was in college for Photography. Back when you used a dark room to do artistic photos. No photoshop crap! ;)

I need to find a Dog Lover sign and paint it white and put it there with the Cat Lover sign. :)

Snickerdoodles. :)

Girl Dog is ready for her walk!!! Oh btw, I don't use nail polish on my toes in the winter so they can get a break. :) Wearing polish all year around makes my nails weird..

Oh and btw, Cora's new name is Girl Dog. It happened. There's no going back. I can't help it. Just like Tt's name started as Tiara. Nope. Never again have I called her Tiara. GirlDog it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111

:-)

Black Friday Shopping...

2011-11-27T07:38:00.000-05:00

So after a delicious Thanksgiving dinner, my mom, Sassy and I left out at 11:00pm to get to the Target Black Friday sale. It opened at midnight. I think this year is the first year Target opened at midnight. I could be wrong. So we hopped up on caffeine. Diet coke for me and my mamma and a coffee for Sassy. I had gotten my shower and got into my pj's and fluffy boots for the night's events so I could come straight home and Zzzzzzzz. The lines were out the doors of course and it was freezy! I had to wear my fuzzy ear muffs. People had tv's in their carts but I was looking for the simpler things. Sassy had to stay in a certain part of the store and I had a blanket in my cart so she couldn't see anything. Success!! Nothing was seen. After waiting an eternity we got outta target and went over to the mall. The only stores that were open were Macy's and a couple random stores. At this point I am starting to get delusional and tired. So Sassy snapped a shot of me having a "moment."

We didn't find much at the mall. I kept walking around not wanting to spend any money. Lol. So off to Kohl's we went... Another mad-house. At this point it's about 4:30am and I had been up for about 20 hours so we head back on the long drive home. Zzzzz.

Of course at 7:30am there are some Amish men banging around on my porch so much sleep was lost! More on that another time. :)

Happy Thanksgiving to you!

2011-11-25T03:52:00.000-05:00

Online Friends, Happy Thanksgiving. I wrote a long blog post on all of my wonderful blessings and gratefulness HERE. So I'll just share some photos. :o)

What can I say???

Hahahahaha. My mom is trying to hide. :)

Thanksgiving table :)

I caught that girl!!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Bein' Rich

2011-11-23T08:43:00.000-05:00

So I am rich. In the eyes of some. I have a lot. I have a large beautiful old home with lots of charm, lots of beautiful decor, beautiful clothing, healthy pets, collectibles, the works. I am debt free (except my mortgage). I also have a very nice car and I try to take good care of it. I can schedule a massage or go out to eat, pick up and travel if I choose to. I've said it a million times I don't know why God has blessed me in this way. Maybe I need to study in the bible so I understand why. Maybe it's not for me to know why. He does because He loves. But I also know he rewards obedience and I do try to be very obedient to the Lord in all areas of my life. I fail every single day and there are mountains I've been flying around and flying around for ages.

You gleam certain things people say and they seem to stick with you. A neighbor says, "I don't know how you do it." A friend will say, "God you are so fortunate." A house guest who's never came to my home before will say, "Oh my goodness. Look at your home everything is so beautiful. Can I be you?" This last phrase struck me. She would say over and over, "Can I have your life?" It's sweet but she didn't know a thing about my past, my pains, my crosses, and my heartaches. Would she want it then? I don't remember what I said in these instances. Most likely a sweet smile and thank you, or a gush. But I could have taken that opportunity to minister and explain how God has blessed me and how years ago I was piled up with debt, eviction notices on my door almost every month, and living irresponsibly. I am not sure why I shy away from showing people what God has done in my life. But it needs to stop. I know the root of it. It is not because I am scared to admit I'm a lover of Christ. It's because I never want to get into a long drawn out conversation with people. Because I am always busy. I live in perpetual busyness.

Most of the time my busyness has to do with working to keep my stuff and maintain this life, managing my stuff, planning all my stuff, being the Martha. ~~I'm~~ God and I are working on this. It's one of my mountains. I don't do the things God has equipped me to do because I live in a whirlwind of busyness. I don't take the time for people. I think it is rooted in selfishness also. I'm so busy. I've gotta do this. I have to go here. I, I, I... I came across a wonderful scripture the other day. Proverbs 23:4 Do not wear yourself out to get rich;
do not trust your own cleverness. This was always my motto in years past. I would work as little shifts as I could to be at home with my daughter and to live a more slow life. Rather than wearing myself out pursuing wealth I pursued God and whatever glorified Him. Perhaps He blessed me with prosperity because of that. Proverbs 2:1-11.

Now that I am blessed and rewarded I have gotten it all mixed up. I am working hard to upkeep what I have and to live in this lifestyle and it is more difficult. It's an odd sort of thing. I yearn for the days when my schedule was sparse and my time was slow. So now the spending pruning must go ahead. I must save money instead of spend it. Another mountain that I can't seem to climb. I still teach my Sassy frugal ways to live. I teach her that just because we can buy something doesn't mean that we should. I make her buy her own "special" hygiene products with her own allowance. She has an average old cell phone and she wants a new one so I tell her she has to buy it because she doesn't need one she wants one. That's a lot of chores for a cell phone.

The Lord gives and He takes away. I don't put my hope in any physical thing. I put my hope in my Lord. He is enough to sustain. That is a short sentence but a powerful one if we could really grasp that. The homeless who have no heat, no food, no job, no family. Their Lord is all they have to sustain them.

Another thing that brought up this very long blog post is a friend of mine who is a baby Christian. She does a lot of the things I used to do when I wasn't as spiritually grounded. She looks up to me. She tells me she looks up to me. I take that exhortation responsibility seriously. My friend literally works 72 hours a week. Exactly. She is never ever home with her family. (She has a husband and 2 children) She works to get. Not to sustain her. That Proverbs 23:4 scripture yelled at me for her and I began to minister to her a little bit about that. Her family members all have all the latest clothing, cell phones, game systems, toys, etc. She is a giver and loves to give but the amount of Christmas gifts she is giving her children this year is astonishing. Working to get more things. She could easily cut back her hours, spend time with her family, and cut down her spending. But she chooses this path. I am using her as an example because seeing this in her made me inspect my own life. I'm not much different. Yes I work much less hours and I don't buy everything that is the best and latest but if I managed my money better I could live better. Have more time for Christ and for others.

And that my friends is ALL life is about. I am finally ready to start tackling some of the mountains God wants me to climb. All in His power. I have none. He has to change me and I will allow Him to change me. I will be concentrating on one mountain at a time..... For the rest of my life. ;)

Hi!

2011-11-20T17:04:00.001-05:00

Most of the tags on my posts are under random. Well this is another random one for the books. It's almost Thanksgiving!! Woohoo! This means...........

Insanity!!!!

I like doing black friday not so much for the deals but for the excitement! After Thanksgiving dinner this year we are taking a nap then going out at midnight to start the black friday craze!!

Awww. Look how we tuck Cora in every night before bed!

Sassy and Cora on a walk. :o)

Apparently Sassy no longer wants my kisses. o_O

My mom did 75 shoeboxes this year. A couple years ago she did I think 176. That is a lot of shoeboxes! 75 is low for her.

So my life's been busy as usual only now it feels like Christmas and I am all jiggy with it.

Good day to you!

TV and ....

2011-11-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

For a long time I was one of those oh, "I don't ever watch tv" people. And truth is I wasn't. I never watched tv much. We would watch movies. I do remember back in the days when I used to watch all my cooking shows, HGTV, you know all the domestic channels. Well for about 5-6 years I have had basic cable. This gives me only 25 channels like the local channels, MPT, LWN, BBC, etc. I really don't watch much tv when I am home because I am cleaning, reading, cooking, running errands, playing with kids and pets, etc. I do however get to watch tv when I am at work. They have the tivo thing where you can record shows. Here's my list of things I love to watch when I'm working:

I love this show!!! :-)

Hilarious!!

You see the theme is basically real-life-comedic kind of shows.

I used to be really into The Tudors.

I also get to record my favorite cooking shows at work:

I love how easy the French cook works about the kitchen. You can tell she is really experienced.

My all time favorite chef. I used to watch her years and years ago when the kiddies were small. I've learned a lot from her!

I love Ina!! No one entertains better than her. I want her house. ;)

Now we are onto the HGTV shows!

My favorite designer in all the lands...

I'm so glad she got her own show. She was my favorite designer on Trading Spaces. She is very modern-french-country-bohemianesque just like me.

Last but not least...

I love the property brothers!

Now those are my favorites. Let's move onto my hates. I hate shows like NCIS, Law and Order, Murder on whatever rooftop.... I hate serious shows. There has to be a mix in there. Life is so depressing I don't understand why people wanna fill their entertainment time with more depressing stuff. But that's just me. :)

Now when it comes to movies I love depressing stuff. Not murderous movies or violence but real life issues, documentaries, etc. I am so strange!

So what do you all like to watch?

Dream Dream Dream

2011-11-09T08:43:00.000-05:00

So I was piddling about organizing and I was looking through my T.D. Jakes Woman thou art loosed bible. I bought this bible when I came back to Christ and was born again after being strayed for 12 years. I was 24. Hard to believe I have been walking with Christ for 8 years. I found in my bible an old dream list. Of course it is a list because that's what I do. Make lists! It was written back when I first bought that bible. I was shocked as I kept scratching through this list of all the things God has done for me and given me. He literally gave me 95% of my dream list. I couldn't believe it. Most of the things were not material things but spiritual things or relational things. I am so blessed. God has provided just like Ephesians 3:20 says He will:

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.

Why does He bless me the way He does? I don't know. The only thing I can think of is that He uses my life as an encouragement to other single moms. That's all I can think of. I do my part by being as obedient to His Word as I can and He works through me.

Everything could be gone tomorrow. My physical health, my home, my child, my pets, my family or friends. I could lose it all like Job and I hope and pray that I will love my God just as much as the days He has blessed me abundantly, overflowing.

God will always keep a thorn in our side to keep us from depending on ourselves instead of Him. My thorn seems to be myself and how just about daily I fail and I am reminded I am very weak. I got a couple other thorns too but in my opinion I'm my biggest thorn!

Just feeling super blessed and grateful today even among stress!

Some Random Things...

2011-11-04T23:03:00.000-04:00

Since life has been so hard and stressful lately I've decided to talk about some of my favorite things. That's always uplifting, right?

List form shall we?

Silpada Jewelry. Yummy. I collect it.

Teavana. Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh long tea. ;) I love having hot tea in the morning when I wake up (with caffeine of course) and then sleepytime tea at night before bed (with chamomile)

Early morning walks with Cora to the water. This time is precious. I am able to be alone. With the exception of Cora of course. I rarely have any alone time which drives me nuts. I need alone time! It is so quiet, peaceful, and joyful. I Cora does get a lot of attention from morning walkers though.

Speaking of Cora. She had her first vet appointment since in my care and she's doing great. All of her wounds are healing well and she's o.k. She's got a good weight now and he's pleased with her improvement!

Today was my mamma's birthday. I took her, Sassy, my little brother, and my step-son to lunch, then to the Christian book store, and then to the movies to see Puss and Boots. Hilarious!!!!!!! I knew I'd love that movie and it was sooo funny. :o)

Aside from that life has been calmer since I've withdrawn from college. God has clearly told me to get to work studying Him and getting to know Him better. So I am. And I'm excited about it. <3

Cora!

2011-10-31T08:53:00.001-04:00

Meet my new boxer Cora. I rescued her from AABR. She was tied up to a post and left to starve. She almost did as she is all skin and bones. She went from that to a foster home for a week. Now I have her. I am still having to feed her large meals about 3x a day. Life is so much different with a dog. I knew this and that is why I waited so long to get one. As long as I can remember I wanted boxers. Cora is so sweet and passive. She is very easy going and obedient. God gave me a real gem. Most boxers are boisterous brats! ;) I think she's also just exhausted from being abandoned, transported, starved, and jostled around from home to home. Not to mention the spaying and some leg skin lacerations needing stitches. I feel she will perk up as time goes on. I am trying to make my home very calm, serene, and comforting to her. I may have gone overboard cause this girl is getting spoiled already!!

Here's some pictures of Cora BEFORE she came to live with us. (In her foster home)

Cora on the left with her foster mom and foster dogs :)

Skin and bones. :(

Cora is a big licker!!

Apparently Cora hates Baltimore Ravens. :/

Cora and her foster mom :)

Oh my poor girl. She's already gotten fatter!

Here's some pictures of my Cora girl now, in our home:

All of Cora's goodies waiting for her to come home.

Cora and the gang :)

Transporting her home from foster mom's house.

She was knocked out!!!

Didn't take long before she was in my bed. :)

Napping together!

Waking up from our first nap together. She's still knocked out.

Taking up the living room space!!!

So the report is good. She is eating well, voiding well, behaving well, snuggling well, and walking around town well. She is so good. Her foster mom kept calling me and texting me and telling me how good she is. She was so right!! I am so blessed that God gives me the desires of my heart no matter how trivial they seem to someone else. :o)

Me talking to Cora! Just got back from a long walk. :)

Sassy reading her Boxer book with her Boxer!!!

Singin' Saturdays

2011-10-29T13:50:00.000-04:00

The Daylights :)

Failing and Admitting Defeat

2011-10-28T07:59:00.000-04:00

I am a classic Choleric. Choleric Phlegmatic to be exact. I live by the temperament book by Tim Lahaye. Here it is on Amazon. Besides the bible everything in that book I believe and categorize people as such! Being choleric makes it hard to admit when you are wrong or when you have missed God. I have QUIT school. After only two short months I have quit. :****( Waaa. Let's get a visual picture of why I've done this rash thing. My life is a cup. In that cup are the following (in list order, duh):

Homeschooling
Being a single mom
Caring for my pets
Caring for my 76 year old home
Caring for my car
Working
Trying to have a social life
Trying to have a church life
Caring for another family member

When I started this school year my cup was already almost full. I added school into the cup because at the time life was pretty sweet and easy going. At that time I could have easily handled school within the confines of my homeschooling day. When a family crisis arose in my family and I had no choice but to step up and be the one to care for a family member and my cup over-spilled. Everywhere. I can't even begin to explain how much time, energy, resources, and stress this situation has costed me. In a short, it costed me school. I had to prioritize everything and put in order most important to last. School just had to come last on the list. At first I was devastated. I was sad, angry, frustrated, and felt like a failure.

God made it transparently clear that this is not the time for school. Maybe in the future but not now. Even without the family tragedies and stressors, school is really pushing my boundaries. I cried out to Him to give me some direction as to what to do. His answer was simple. Take care of yourself, your family, your home, and most importantly your relationship with Him. He is gonna write the future and not me. I trust Him. You see He also showed me that I may do a lot of things and I may have a lot of things going on but it is impossible to do them all well. He wants me to cut back and work on quality instead of quantity. The classic choleric thing is to start projects then get bored with the details. Even in my walk with God I get lost in the details. He is telling me, get yourself into MY details.

So I am.

I felt a sense of relief and sadness when withdrawing from school. I still feel a sadness about it but mostly now I feel such relief because of the stress it added to what is currently the most stressful time in my life.

Lots of people fail and fail and fail and fail until one day (after they never gave up) the prevail. Look at Donald Trump! All I can do in this life is try my hardest to live for God, to help others, and to enjoy the journey. So that's what I'm up to doing.

I'm getting ready to get in the shower and go pick up my Boxer!! I am so excited I could cry! :-) Here's her picture. Her name is Cora.

snuggled in at her foster mom's home :)

Fall front porch

2011-10-24T11:41:00.001-04:00

I just love my front porch. Especially in the fall. Beautifully colored pumkins, mums, snapdragons. Here's some shots of my front porch or our outside living room. :)

Three little pumpkins sittin' on the porch. One fell off and...

Tt tryin' to be all up in the photoshoot.

Our outside living room sits 6.

My beloved pink oleander plant. I gotta bring this baby in very very soon!!

Tt just had to be outside all up in my business! If you look closely you can see she has her mouth open and is yelling at me because I didn't let her back in quick enough. I just love my home. It's 76 years old and perfect for us. I know most people wouldn't like this kind of home because there's no master bath, there's mini-sized closets, there is no open concept. There's no "man-cave." People always want the same kinds of homes. I relish in the nostalgia of the old homes refurbished. Only I plan to do the refurbishing on this ol' baby.

Sassy has some strangeisms...

2011-10-21T06:00:00.000-04:00

I've always highly encouraged individualism with a concentration on Christ following to my Sassy. This is great in that she is 100% herself but with that comes some strange things she does. One of them I will share is putting herself in a cocoon when she is feeling sick. She has to lay on the floor when she doesn't feel well. I don't know why but I just go with it. This pic is so funny!!

What's also so funny about it is the fact that she is like 5'7" and a cocoon now. It was adorable when she was young but now it just looks so weird!!! lol.

Annapolis!

2011-10-18T17:36:00.000-04:00

My state's Capitol. :) I cant' believe I've lived in this state over 30 years and never been to Annapolis. Well we went and it was BEAUUUUUUUUUTIFUL. Basically like my current town on steroids. Nautical, boats, dogs, shops, good food, character. My kinda places!

Eating lunch on the street

Irish food of course ;)

Gluten free shepherd's pie! My brother has chicken pot pie with puff pastry!!!

I realize I didn't take very many photos of this beautiful town. Probably because I was so busy bein' in it. The people were very kind and outgoing here which is rare for Maryland. The people also are huge dog lovers!

I would like to point out that I have an infatuation with travel. It gets me high. No joke. Every since I was a little girl and I would travel back and forth to Northern VA and DC I would be the happiest when we were traveling. My Grandfather was a big traveler so I think I get it from him. Most of my immediate family are travel bugs. I remember when I was in High School (a freshman I think) we took a school trip to NYC and I was so in love with New York I vowed I would scrub toilets to get to live in NYC if I had to. I cried when we left which is embarrassing for a freshman in high school. Ever since then I have been traveling up there as often as I can. I remember when I was 17 I told my mom I was staying with my best friend for the weekend and she would tell her mom she was staying with me and we would take my old Chevrolet Celebrity and travel to NYC for the weekend. We'd drive around NYC with no cell phones, no GPS's, no adults just chillaxin' and exploring. I got lost in Queens and in Yonkers and got myself out a couple times. We would pay a friend of ours to put a hotel room on their card and we'd give them extra cash so we could spend the weekend. We'd look in the shops on 5th avenue, eat in Soho, buy fake designer bags in Chinatown and wear them to school on Monday. My mom never knew until I was a real adult that we did that. We did that many times to NYC, Philly, DC, and Baltimore. I had no fear when it came to travel and still don't.

I have always been a city girl at heart even though I did not grow up in the city. I'm thinkin' I'm still young and NYC will still be there. Maybe that dream will come true some day.

I know I said when school starts I wouldn't be traveling anywhere. Well I can't help it. I cannot just sit here and not travel and explore. It's like asking me to not love Tt. You can't do it. So instead of long trips I take day trips to fill the voids. So far it's been working. :)

Boobies, Beer, and Brawls

2011-10-16T17:34:00.000-04:00

Otherwise known as a Renaissance Festival! We went to this year's MD Renaissance Festival. It was Sassy's first time, my second.

These creepy crawly weird cats!!! Ewwww. Can you spot Sassy??

My mamma talking to a lady about holdin' her boobs up with corsets!

One of the plays

Ready for a jousting!

The queen speaking to her people

Hey look, they are both looking right at me!

Everyone goes Ooooooooooo!

A couple things. One is Sassy is photographed more in that yellow Loving God by Serving Others shirt than any other piece of clothing. She loves that thing. Two is that the last time I was at a renaissance festival was years ago!! See here:

I always say I wanna dress up for the Renaissance Festival but then just can't do it!!! ;)

The time has come

2011-10-12T08:59:00.001-04:00

I have been approved to adopt a boxer. :)

I have been waiting like 10 years to get a boxer. They are my favorite kind of dog and I will probably only have boxers. I had to wait until I bought a house, had a fenced yard, was financially and emotionally ready for a dog, and knew exactly what I was getting myself into.

Check, check, check, and check.

It's time! I've been house-sitting for a boxer (and 3 other irrelevant breeds) for years. See HERE and HERE.

I know exactly what I'm getting myself into. Hyper active, energy-filled, lap-sitting, jealous, up your nose boxers.

I went through Adopt A Boxer Rescue.

I chose this way because I don't want to spend $1,000 on a boxer breeder puppy or $300 on a puppy mill puppy. I don't want to support either. There are gazillions of dogs who need permanent homes and families. How is there any other way? I will probably be adopting boxers the rest of my life. Fostering possibly also.

So possibly this weekend, maybe next week I will be a dog owner. I'm excited, happy, nervous, crazy, and above all else, ready.

Now Sassy and I have to read our Boxer book AGAIN!

In some ways it seems like the worst possible time. In other ways the perfect time. Having animals is extremely therapeutic. (Especially when you've been wanting one for so long) I have been going through some of the most stressful months of my life and I need some joy, laughter, and boxer love!

Privacy and Prayer

2011-10-04T21:45:00.000-04:00

I'd like to talk about privacy and prayer. The elusive boundary and balance between those two. You want to tell people things because you know they could be praying for the situation. Then again you want to keep things private. People tell everything nowadays. I am dealing with a very stressful, traumatic, heartbreaking situation with a family member that I love. Bottom line is it's his business. I am heavily involved in what's happening but it's his reputation and story to tell or not. I want to be able to tell my friends and brothers and sisters in Christ but it simply isn't my place to. It's super sensitive and would alter people's perspective of him as a person. I want their support and prayers for the help I can glean from them. Then I got to thinking it's probably more my thing than him caring about whether people know or not. It's probably about me wanting to keep it private. Cause even though I blabbbb away sometimes I can be extremely emotionally withdrawn when serious stuff is going on, and that's when you need it most! I hate it when people tell me other people's business and cover it with well I thought you could pray for them. Does anyone know where this fine line between gossip and "fellow-shipping amongst Christians" goes?

My favorite city in the world...

2011-10-02T09:50:00.000-04:00

I bet you can't figure out where it is.....

Waking up...as Kate Gosselin would annoyingly say, "I'm frozen to the bone. I have 19 layers on."

Me and my little brother :)

Fun fact: I almost moved here to go to art school until I found out I was knocked up!!

Us waiting for the trolley. It's a bus but I like to call it a trolley. Makes it seem more exciting.

Yo. Why is she getting so big!!!!??? Like her fashions? She loves layers and colors!

I'm not sure why the baby boys have to grow so big...

There's that dang trolley!

Doesn't my family look so happy. Probably cause this busy body worked them like slaves all over that city so we could see everything!

Ummm yum.

I'd like to know who this band was!

I like to take children to bars for lunch apparently.

A store as colorful as she!

Just found my new house. I'm ready to move in.

She is taller than me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I heart this city. :)

Singin' Saturdays

2011-09-24T22:37:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite's... Swell Season. :o)

Whining about Wine and other things.

2011-09-23T13:47:00.001-04:00

I love wine. It's good for me. People who drink wine live longer. I don't know if that's good or bad in my case but what I do know is apparently I can't drink it now. I only have a glass or two of wine when dining with friends or family, or at a dinner party or whatever. I had a glass recently and after being gluten-free for a very long time I got really sick from just one glass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111

So what you're saying is I can never have any wine, I can't have any of my dark beer, I can't have pasta, bread, pastries, baked goods, and my beloved gnocchi??????? Waaaaaaaaaa.

I do know however that I can get up on the gluten-free blogs and get the recipes for all of these things but I don't have the time. So I'm stuck eating the same kinds of things over and over again until I have some extra time laying around.

Good news however, I hear that organic wine is ok for celiac peeps. I'm on the wayyyyy organic wine!!

In other news, school is going great aside from ridiculously stressful obstacles that have been in the way since I started school. I'm getting it done, getting good grades, and prioritizing. I'm loving the Cultural Anthropology. :)

I currently need to be here right now:

With time stood still for everyone but me until I deem ready to resume again.

I'm so busy right now I have no time to decorate for fall, take the kids to the fall Mazes, get my mums, my white pumpkins, and/or anything else. So I waste that valuable time looking at food blogs.

Ok, my whining session is over and I am ready to overdose on St. John's Wort.

;)

College!

2011-09-12T15:20:00.000-04:00

So I won't be blogging much. Just the incidental blog post here and there having to do with life as I've always done, just in less quantities. This is what I do. When I'm in school I am completely engrossed in my school work. This is why I'd put it off for so long because I have a hard time balancing free-time and time I felt I could be studying even if I didn't need to. This is also why I got A's in college. I am going to try to find a balance between housework, homeschooling, work, errands, social activities, and schoolwork. I do have some advantages however. Here they are in list form:

My mom comes down and stays with us during the 3 straight days I work. She also helps with housework and gardenwork.
My work schedule is all compacted together so at times I have 4 days off a week.
Sassy's homeschooling this year is an online satellite program which I don't have to do to much with. I spent most of August planning out the majority of her year in a formula she just has to follow. She comes to me with questions. I'm also trying to teach her independence in her studies so that when she gets to high school she will be focused, have great study skills and can concentrate on her work thoroughly.
I am able to study A LOT at work. I have A TON of down-time at work (Thank you Lord) and I can get most of my studying, research, and paper prep-work done. I do have to spend a good amount of time online as I'm taking an online course. There are a lot of classroom discussions, internet assignments, etc.
I only schedule my errands once a week after I get off work so I'm already out and about. I do my shopping and baking on that day too.
I spent a lot of my summer catching up on social activities and gatherings because I knew school was coming. I have sporadically set up family and friend gatherings here and there throughout the next couple months. I no longer will accept last minute invitations or times to just hang out and watch movies. I need to be spending more of my time in bible study fellowship than the vegging out with friends! ;)
For schoolwork, I have a school calendar where I highlight certain parts of the day (one color is for paper research, one color is for quiz, test, and discussion time, one color is for textbook reading).

I know it's a lot on my plate. I keep saying that perhaps because I'm afraid I can't do it. I know I can, gradually, determined, and disciplined. I am easing back into college by only taking one course this semester. It is Cultural Anthropology. The more I study fields of Psychology the more I am drawn to a combination of psychology, sociology, and anthropology. So far I absolutely love the coursework of this class and I am excited to learn. I am annoyed however at my professor. She is very cold and condescending. She is this way with everyone so I don't feel bad but I'm not thrilled with working with a professor who's got a bad attitude. This prompted me to google professor reviews by students. Which lead me to Rate My Professors.com. I then got to see that she has a horrible rating amongst the students. Greatttttttttttttt! Tons and tons of reviews about her attitude along with other things. I will push through and treat her like a queen when I feel like slapping. Then, come next semester I will use that website to go along with registering for the other classes I'm required.

Well, back to studies!! :)

Looking back

2011-09-07T19:49:00.000-04:00

I am so nostalgic. I'm one of those people they call a Golden-Age thinker. I love the past and I love to think on the future. It's the present I struggle with. I'm gettin' better. Wait. Am I? Anyway to feed that ~~disorder~~ trait in me I love to look back on old photos. Here's some I adore!

Sassy is sooo good with horses.

My mamma

Can you spot Sassy? In a weird-shaped room at Baltimore's Port Discovery

My sweet dad. R.I.P. <3

I miss my dad so much!!!!

My angel sweet!

All I'm gonna say is SIGH.

Ok, I know I said all I was gonna say was SIGH but let's be honest. I don't look hot anymore because I choose not to exercise properly and take as good care of myself. It's all in my control I just choose not to access the beauty. I will say however that I have weighed the pros and cons of said beauty and it is such a daunting task getting thinner, staying thinner, and not being a wild girl when I feel sexy. I'm gonna stay just the way I am until I've completely had enough.

Speaking of that. Look at my delicious steak salad! Yummy

My sweet little brother before puberty!

My mom and my daughter. :)

My delicious Maryland Blue Crabs. I love you!

I mean, come on who doesn't love memory lane? Or maybe I love it too much. ;)

Singin' Saturdays

2011-09-03T14:43:00.000-04:00

Some wordless beautiful music by Budos Band.

A budget that works.

2011-09-02T12:13:00.001-04:00

As I look back at my previous blog posts from 2008-and on (some from my old wordpress blog) I have the same reoccurring themes and problems. There are two main problems that I have always dealt with and I may always deal with. They are:

Money Management
Weight

I appreciate the fact that I don't have more serious problems at hand. They could be:

Alcoholism
Drug Abuse
Sexual Promiscuity
Life threatening eating disorders
Internet addiction
Social climbing (lol did I really just write that?)
Hoarding (animals or otherwise)

Now just because a person has one or more of the more serious problems doesn't make them an invaluable person in anyway. We all have our problems. I am grateful that in my opinion my two main issues/problems are not as self destructive as above list. I realize that I am a weak sinful human and I don't think my stuff don't stink. I get it. I look forward to the day when I am able to counsel people and help them eliminate some of the more life threatening problems. I think just knowing and accepting the fact that we will all have unpleasant areas in our lives that may get better but possibly will never go away is vital. Because honey if you get over one obstacle another will grow into a hill. We all use things to cope. We all use something to cope and deal with the emotional pain of not being in communion with God. Cause that's how He made us, for fellowship with Him and we will never feel whole until we are in heaven with Him. I'm grateful I know Him and I accepted Him. He has taken many areas of my life and polished them into areas of strength when they were once weak.

Now getting back to my problems.... (aren't you happy about reading this post today! o_O)

Let's talk weight. Sigh. I am overweight because I choose to be. I eat whatever the heck I want whenever the heck I want and I exercise ~~never~~ whenever I feel like it. Sometimes. I have accepted that I have really always had issues with food since I was young and I may always. In an overall analysis I do eat relatively healthy compared to most. Where I falter is never wanting to exercise and psyching myself out of doing it. I also falter in eating out. Far too many times I have had the convenience of just stopping somewhere for some dinner instead of making it from scratch like I should do.

I know and understand menu planning would help with that but I live life so strictly most of the time I like for my food to be able to be an area of freedom. I know I'd sabotage the menu plan. I know myself. One day or no day I will get into better shape. What I have done in recent times is not focused on it. I literally live life and enjoy it without beating myself up if we go out for ice cream or if I don't take a walk. I don't have too much discipline in this area and maybe I will some day. I can be very rebellious and if someone or I tell myself to get my self in order physically I will probably do the opposite. Cause dang' it food is one of my only indulgences since I'm all livin' for God and all. Many Christians deal with this. They eliminate all obvious socially unacceptable sin and load on the food as their last indulgence. It's the one thing no one will really confront them about and if they do they can shout thyroid or not feeling well or claim they are eating "healthy" while secretly eating fast food. So you see this area is my achilles heel. Note: no real plan of action is currently in motion here. Thanks.

Now getting onto Money Management...

This is where some hope is scattered. I have seen discipline, victory, redemption, and strength in this area of my life. I once was a person who spent impulsively (still do sometimes), could be irresponsible, and struggled with money. I have in past years gotten MUCH better with this. When my dad died I thought long and hard about what I'd do with my portion of the life insurance policy. I wrestled with it very badly. I felt that this money was blood money (my dad committed suicide) and it didn't seem right to have. I felt that I didn't work for this money and I don't deserve it. So amidst those feelings I felt it sensible to honor my dad with that money and use it the best way I could. He always wanted me to be good with money, have a reliable car, and a stable home. So that's what I did. I paid off a ton of credit card debt, I bought a car, and I bought a home. I feel good about having done those things. I still do not have any credit cards and it's been about 4 years. I refuse. In the big picture my financial life looks very good. Currently I have no debt at all except my mortgage and I try to keep some money in savings. I pay my bills on time, manage it very well, and try to budget. Those problems have been solved. My problem lies in the excess. Looking at my income and expenses I have plenty of opportunities to do much better with my money. I could save a lot of money, tithe better, and invest. I don't do that. I spend my extra money on any and everything. I took a glance at my spending recently and I was angry at what I saw. I'll share it with you:

Obviously the loans is my mortgage, checks my bills, the essentials. What killed me was seeing the general merchandise and restaurants/dining sections. Oh golly it's shameful. I was very perturbed!

I have tried the envelope cash system, I have tried hiding my debit card, I have tried every and anything I can to discipline myself in the area of impulse buying/shopping. And it will work for like 5 minutes then I dip into finding my debit card and getting back. I love saying, "Hey let's go out for Italian food tonight." I could save so much money and do so much more if I had control in this area. So while I may be successfully managing money in one aspect another aspect is screaming for discipline. One day it dawned on me. A good way to create/keep/do a good budget would be to buy gift cards for the whole month and once it's up, it's up. That way I can only spend within those stores (my usual's) and any other expenses are simply impermissible. I am able to physically set a budget for myself in each area. Groceries, convenience food, and general spending.

I've started for September and already purchased 3 gift cards.

Target (for general spending, housewares, needs, clothing, etc.)
Weis (my grocery store for all things grocery)
McDonald's (for those convenient stops and my diet coke habit)

September's balances are very low for each but they are reasonable and realistic budgets for a family of 2.5. I shouldn't be spending what I've been spending in dining out and basic shopping. This way I can't accidentally spend my cash on something it's unintended for. When I would have the envelope cash system I'd dip into the envelopes for other things and it really didn't work for me. This way once the gift card is done, it's over. I like having the Target and Weis card both because if I run out of grocery money I can get grocery items at Target. It's pretty efficient. Wish me ~~luck~~ discipline!

P.S. Just a thought, since I love dining out so much and I love eating trendy delicious foods one way I can reward my efforts is by having dinner out at the end of the month if I succeed with these gift cards. (meaning I don't blow them in the first week then have to get more money out) There's some incentive!! ;)

Graduation! :)

2011-08-31T10:37:00.000-04:00

So my best friend has been a busy bee lately. She works, went to nursing school, took care of her two children, got married, bought a house and moved. My sweet-ums needs a vacation! Here tells the picture story of her graduating. I am so freaking proud of her. :-)

Her in-laws

And now we celebrate afterwards:

My bff and her husband, their two sons and her niece

I got everyone together for a pic. Can you spot the Sassy?

Uggg I am the most un-photogenic person on the planet. Ok so maybe my mom is but I am a close second!

Bestie with her mother-in-law and mother.

Hubby couldn't go unnoticed.

Bestie and her father-in-law

Don't ask!!! bahaha.

Don't you love my candid shots!?

Bestie with her nieces, nephew and son.

Sassy didn't want me taking pictures of her but I don't listen!

Sisters!

So that's it for the photo-show-of-graduation. It's funny that she's finishing school and I'm headed back. Speaking of that I've got a lot of ideas brewing in my brain and I'm just running them over with God wondering if He's thinking the same thing. Oh and P.S. Anthropology textbooks are expensive!!!!! Waaaa.

I'm an earthquake survivor!!

2011-08-29T10:49:00.001-04:00

Bahahahahaa. I joke. But seriously. I did survive! So everyone in Maryland tells each other their "earthquake story." Where we go into deep details about exactly what happened. Reason being, Maryland and VA don't get earthquakes! Duh. So I glee in being able to facetiously tell my version of where were you when the earthquake hit? Kinda like the stories people tell about where they were for 9/11 but less morose. So where was I? I was at work. Workin' hard. Ok, so I was sitting and reading. The patient's house shook. I stand up instantly and start talking to Jesus. I said, "Jesus! What's happening? What is this? Wha..." Then I realized it was an earthquake so I run into the next room to go pick up my patient and carry her on my shoulder away to safety. Then it stopped. 30 seconds at most. It felt like a whole daggon' minute! At first I thought it was a bomb because I live near a military base and we get big booms often. But there was no boom and the walls felt like they were moving back and forth, swaying, shaking, gettin' ready to tumble down. It was exciting!! I kinda get excited about natural disasters. Shhh. Don't tell anyone. So the entire rest of my shift was completely ruined because my work partner and I were completely dizzy and wounded at this point. I push through it and was able to drive home unscathed. Wow. No but seriously I had no water when I got home. And I wanted a freaking bubble bath that night! So Sassy and I go out to dinner cause I sure ain't cooking a dinner without being able to wash my hands. We eat at a place that is mediocre food. Ok, down-right bad if you're a person who has enjoyed fine foods for a very long time. Then we go to the grocery store, get some jugs of water so I can sponge bathe myself before bed. The next morning we have water. No worries.

And that's my version of the 2011 V.A. earthquake DISASTERRRRRR! Next up: Hurricane Irene. Bring it!

*no Tt's were harmed during the duration of this 10 second earthquake.

Singin' Saturdays

2011-08-27T09:57:00.000-04:00

The best piece of music EVER. Nothing else compares. I cry each time I hear it, mostly because of personal reasons but still it is the most beautiful piece I have ever heard.

Housesitting 2011

2011-08-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

So we are back from housesitting. I house sit for my boss at least once a year most years twice a year. She lives in a log cabin with 4 dogs and 2 horses. We love going here because it is like a vacation spot. She's got a pool, hot tub, big huge flat screens, trampoline, hammock, etc.

Watch as Pebbles scooches toward me with her lazy bones!!! She couldn't find the energy to get up so she slidessssssssss toward me. Bahahahhahaaaa. Too funny! My first animated GIF btw.

My mamma not too amused at me taking pictures of her!!! ;)

Doggies gone wild!!!

Singin' Saturdays

2011-08-20T10:09:00.000-04:00

I love big band old Frank Sinatra-esq music. Lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve.

Sassy's World

2011-08-18T11:27:00.000-04:00

Finally after almost 6 months I am posting Sassy's attic bedroom pics. When I enter Sassy's world she is happy. Because the things she loves are up in that attic. Me, Tt, and all her items! She is always in a good mood when I visit her up there. So here's the back story on her bedroom. CLICK! Sassy has a daybed, a desk, a papazan couch and footstool, a little tv for her wii, a sitting bench, and a getting dressed area. All her little areas she uses for different things! She just loves it. I figure she can really grow into a teenager up in that space. Alright, on with the pics!

The top of the stairs where she leaves her bedroom.

The view from the top of the stairs

Sassy's day-bed. :)

Sassy hiding from pictures!

Ha!

What gives? Tt's also tryin to escape the pictures.

Sassy's desk area

Sassy is a clutter-bug!!

The hideous A/C unit and fan that have to be up here in the Summer or she will melt!

The view from Sassy's desk. Notice the moving truck. Bye neighbors!!

All of Sassy's items!!! Bahahhaa

Sassy sitting with Tt. Both ready for a photo now. :)

More of Sassy's items. She has to buy her own personal hygiene products. Good ones anyway. I buy her good shampoo, conditioner, bar soap, toothpaste, face wash, deodorant, and hair products. If she wants any thing particular say a nice body wash, shaving cream, or a specialized face wash she buys it herself with her allowance.

Look at how well Sassy cares for her plants! o_O

Love the skylight :)

Sassy's collection of body products!! She's got a little problem.

Tt absolutely loves Sassy's room. Most of the time we call it Tt's room because she rarely wants to leave it. She loves the sunshine that the skylight gives. She gets up and follows the light as the sun rotates throughout the day. She loves Sassy's soft Papazan chair and at a certain time in the day the skylight beams down into the papazan. She loves Sassy's soft satin pillows and bedspread. She loves looking out Sassy's window because it's so high. She just down-right loves it up here!!!

Ok, that's it. Sassy's un-cleaned, fully cluttered, tween bedroom! :-)

Items of Interest in my neck of the woods...

2011-08-16T10:05:00.003-04:00

'Tis a Tuesday Lately.

My neighbors are moving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Waaa. I didn't know them very well but they were very kind, quiet, peaceful, consistent, normal. I live in a huge house that is a duplex. (See picture) So it really matters who my neighbor is because we are so close. My neighbors were just a quiet couple which I thought was kinda weird that they rented a 4-bedroom house. I looked at both properties before buying mine (the one on the right) and they were pretty much the same except that the attic room in theirs had a water view! But that wasn't worth it to me because the interior was so ugly! Horribly ugly carpeting over the hard-woods, the kitchen was horrible. Mine had been cared for better. So I chose it. Anyway I'd always wondered what they did with the 3 bedrooms they weren't using. Of course it's just me and Sassy but we each have our own room of course.

Me and my house this Winter (notice my long-johns) bahahahhaa

Sassy has the whole attic space, I have the master bedroom, we have a guest bedroom, and an office/craft room/homeschooling room. Although Sassy likes to do her schoolwork up in her attic at her desk in front of her window. :-) It's quiet up there. And beautiful. Here's a link if you're interested in looking at my house inside. CLICK ME! It has occurred to me that I haven't posted any pictures of Sassy's new attic bedroom. She got an attic bedroom for her 12th birthday this year. That was in March. We're in August. Crud I am a procrastinator! Look HERE at how long ago I'd promised the pics! Bahahahhaa. I'd better get those pics up. ;)

Speaking of Duplex. Have you ever seen the movie? Seriously one of the funniest movies ever. It's one of my faves!!

Have you ever seen a sugarglider?? Now you have!

How about a hedgehog? Now you have. SO CUTE! I touched a snake and my cousin touched a tarantula. Yeah he can have that. Sassy would only touch the sugar glider. Cute and furry is all she will accept!

Happy Tuesday to you!

Singin' Saturdays

2011-08-13T10:13:00.000-04:00

I am a HUGE classical music buff. I've been studying it since I was in my teens and it really just never gets old. Berlioz and Handel are my favorites.

Gluten!?

2011-08-11T10:00:00.001-04:00

I am gluten intolerant!! I recently found out that I have a gluten intolerance. They call it Celiac disease but I don't like saying that so I walk around saying I am gluten intolerant. I've always had really bad problems with my digestive system. I'd be bloated a lot, had very bad gas, inconsistent bowel movements, fatigue, bruises that won't go away, irregular periods and bizarre PMS symptoms, plus many more. I always attributed it to hypothyroidism which I have. But come to find out Celiac disease can be a root of hypothyroidism. Holy moly!

So one day about a month ago I decided I'd switch up my breakfast routine. When it comes to breakfast I like to keep it the same or at least similar because I'm always in a rush in the morning and I find that if I keep it familiar I will eat breakfast every morning. So I eat (almost every morning) scrambled eggs with green onions (1 reg. egg and 1 egg white), sometimes with cheese melted on top sometimes not, 2 turkey sausage, and whatever fruit I have in the house. I usually have honeydew, cantaloupe, watermelon, banana, pear, or berries. That's a decent breakfast and I've always been a firm believer in an egg a day keeps the doctor away. ;) So one day I decide that I'm a weirdo because I don't eat cold cereals. I mean I can and I enjoy it alright but I've always preferred a hot meal for breakfast and if I did have cereal it was at night like a bowl of ice cream. So I bought all this Kashi cereal (you know, the 7-grain cereal) and I switched it up. I turned my back on my eggs and Kashi and I got to know each other. Well let's just say mamma don't like Kashi. I got so sick!!! My stomach hurt so bad. I was very bloated, had almost non-stop gas, and felt absolutely horrible. I thought to myself well the only thing I've really changed is adding all that whole grain cereal to my diet. But then I thought about my best friend who has Celiac disease. So I ran to research. It all made sense. I had to start a testing period.

Wal-Mart in Virginia has these great gluten-free tags. Too bad not in Maryland!

So I am reluctant to believe anything unless there is some kind of proof. So I read-up on gluten-free eating and ate gluten-free for a couple days. No symptoms. No problems. I felt great. Now was the real test. The next couple days I would eat lots and lots of wheat and gluten products. Kashi breakfast, pasta lunch, big sandwiches for dinner. Sick! Instantly. Weird!! So then I talked to my best friend and she said yup, that's it. So for a month I've been on a Gluten-Free Diet. I have NEVER felt better. I have a lot of energy, I haven't had one ounce of bloating, discomfort, bad gas, inconsistent BM's, anything. One thing I noticed when I went on the trial period after being off of gluten for a couple days and then went back to full wheats and grains was that after I would eat I'd get shortness of breath, and a weird asthmatic cough. That really shocked me that all this time I've always had this weird heavy feeling on my chest, shortness of breath, and a deep cough after eating sometimes. Now I can pin-point it to the gluten. I am allergic! Duh. I have not had those respiratory symptoms since I went gluten free a month ago. One other great thing is that I have had a lot of mental clarity and joy. I rarely feel depressed or sad anymore. I feel NORMAL. It's great! :) Celiac and depression are linked. The MAIN ingredient here within Celiac disease is that it blocks nutrients from getting to your body. If all this intolerance did to me was give me a little discomfort I'd still eat my breads and pastas but this entire time nutrients have not been getting to my body! All the healthy eating I'd been doing was in vain! I could'a been eating bad. I'd recently felt I lacked a certain glow and color to my skin, eyes, hair, etc. Since I went gluten-free I feel I have color again. :-) Yay, nutrients!!

So what do I eat now? Basically there are two ways you can do a gluten-free diet.

The ultra-healthy way of eating gluten-free:

All fruits
All vegetables
Unprocessed cheeses
Organic yogurts
Milk
Eggs
Quinoa
Unprocessed meats (no hot dogs or lunch meat)
Lean meats
Rice
Herbs
Cornmeal
Potatoes of any kind (Thank God!)
Pure Corn Tortillas
Fish
Seafood
Other things I'm forgetting

The still-processed gluten-free money market:

Any and every product that you can imagine that they've made into gluten-free with Lord only knows what kind of chemical or additive. Pastas, bread that looks like mini bread, bread crumbs, cookies, etc.

I've chosen the whole food way. I haven't touched one gluten-free processed food and I won't for a very long time. I've sought out other gluten-free food blogs where I can make my cookies, cupcakes, etc. with rice flour and other items that are still natural. I haven't attempted any baked goods or breads or pastas for over a month now. I've been 100% gluten-free the natural way and I've lost 13 pounds last I checked. I truly believe those pounds were simply swelling from being allergic to items I was eating. I don't look or feel swollen anymore. It's great. I feel great. The healthiest I've felt in a very long time!!!!!

PRAISE GOD.

Pictures Overload

2011-08-09T08:38:00.000-04:00

The side of Tt that we love!

This week's flowers. :) peonies

Awww

Wsup. How you doin?

Tt likes to be right on your face!

My little cousin's new kitten :)

Me and my bff

My girl and my Godson.

'Till next time!

Singin' Saturdays

2011-08-06T11:19:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite bands, Boxer Rebellion

Funny thing really...

2011-08-04T20:28:00.000-04:00

While I was away on Vacation I got a text message from my boss that one of my 2 patients went into the hospital. This is bad news of course because in reality he may not come home. He's very old and frail. I've been here before I lose patients pretty often. But what really hits hard is when you have every expense, bill, savings, and thing accounted for financially. Then bam! You loose hours because of a patient's health (or lack there of). I've been doing this line of work for almost 7 years and it doesn't get any easier. Your finances being rocked at the last minute anyway. Of course I just got home from livin' it up on vacation, paid for my college course and books, and have all of Sassy's homeschool supplies to purchase. Never fails. Not to mention all my normal everyday bills. Anyway, I'm getting to a story here. What I do when this kind of thing happens is I HALT all spending. This month I've had to miss a Joyce Meyer conference with my boss that we do every year, and a day-trip to the beach with my best friend. :( Sad! Sassy and I eat what we have at home, we watch old movies, we clean the house, take walks, any and everything we can do that doesn't cost us a penny. I tend to stay home when this kind of thing happens cause let's be honest when I leave the house, I end up spending some money. Whether it be in gas, a drink here, a sandwich there, etc....

So when I got home from vacation I was expecting to be working and now I'm not. I'm still taking care of my main patient (thank God) but the lack of my other income hurts. Of course I'd cleaned the house tip-top before vacation. I love coming home to a fresh, clean home. So there wasn't a whole lot of cleaning to do. Sassy and I have taken walks, I've caught up on emails, I've done some meal planning, 7th grade homeschool planning, we've played video games, watched movies, played with Tt, did house projects, etc. Life has slowed. I am usually running the roads like a mad-woman from one social event to another, one fun activity to another, errands, etc. I rarely just hang out at home for a couple days in a row. I get cabin-fever. I usually PLAN for down-time. Well I didn't plan for all this at home-time because I'd PLANNED on being at work making the big money! Amidst these days at home I've been feeling quiet enough, rested enough, and down-right-bored enough to spend some time with God. Sad but true. I won't lie.

It couldn't come at a better time as I've been slowly fading into a distance with God out of busyness, boredom with Christian life, and just being separated from God. The thoughts I've had lately have been down-right scary and I've been praying to be brought back on track. Well He has. He has allowed some time for me to slow down, focus on Him and Sassy, and get connected again. It feels good! I hate being apart from Him. Even if no one knows it. To everyone else I'm living a great Christian life, void of intentional sin, full of exhortation and knowledge. But I know me. I know when I am straying from Christ. And I hate it. I'm glad I feel something. Some blood line of connection back to my Savior. I have the time to nurse myself back into full fellowship with Him as I prepare for this busy upcoming Fall. I know the road ahead seems daunting but God gave me this beautiful wonderful life and I will not waste it or wallow in annoyance with it. If God thought I couldn't handle being a single mom, homeschooling, working, going to college, taking care of a house, a car, a cat, and family members, He wouldn't have entrusted me. But He has and He gives me the strength to push through when I feel weary, alone, bored, and annoyed.

I am ready for this new chapter in my life with college but even more-so I am ready for this new chapter with my walk in Christ.

Lynchburg, yet again!

2011-08-03T11:19:00.000-04:00

I just got back from a week's vacation at my family's home in Lynchburg, VA again. I seem to go there more than anywhere else! ;)

The kids played. I baked the Rainbow cake again.

My mamma did lots of dishes!!

We got to eat at the local Cupcakery! Yummmmmmmmm.

We got to walk around the city of Lynchburg. Of course it was 102 degrees and all up hills!!! What a workout.

We got to swim, go to church, take car-rides where we danced to loud music just to annoy the boys. There was a Pampered Chef party that occurred at my Aunt's house. Let's just say I shouldn't have done what I did!!!! ;) The last thing I need is more pampered chef! Oh well my Aunt got almost $200.00 worth of free items from her party. We had a wonderful time as usual but it was more sad this time because with me going back to school I won't be traveling like I usually do. I will be busy with school! Home-school and my college courses. This is our fall so far:

Home-schooling
College courses
Bible studies
Home-schooling classes
Sports
Church activities
House-projects

My planning needs some rehab! I'm excessive!!

Tales of Tt's

2011-07-28T08:42:00.002-04:00

Interview time with Tt:

Reporter: Tt you've been a member of the family for quite some time now. What are your thoughts?

Tt: Well I've pretty much got this place running how I believe it should be. My master plan is almost complete.

Reporter: Tt, I've heard rumors that you are passive-aggressive. What is your response?

Tt: I can't be held responsible for other people's un-tamable emotions. Who said that anyway?

Reporter: Tt, I hear you only eat organic food and that you torture new people in the home. What are your claims?

Tt: I don't know what you're talking about. People always want to displace their problems onto me.

Thank you for indulging in my 5 minutes of boredom where I apparently make up fake interviews with my cat.

Tt is a real bed hog!!!

I mean seriously, can you scoot overrrrrrrrrrrr???

Tt sitting in my lap looking fine and dandy.

TT sitting in my lap a minute later as I attempt to move her. She is not pleased!

Thank you for joining in on Tt time Thursday!

The remnants of grief

2011-07-25T12:04:00.001-04:00

Grief is so horrible. It hurts deep where pain shouldn't be allowed to hurt. So many things bring up the grief and so many things trigger. We always try to push aside the grief for another day when we can "deal" with it. That does us more harm than good. I get ~~lots~~ some of Sassy's dad's old friends who pop up on facebook looking for him only to find me and then only to find out he has died. Even though it has been almost exactly 4 years (7/7/7) since he died I have to relive the freshness of telling his old friends from high school, or old jobs that he is gone. It's hard enough for me but then to have to hear their pain and suffering is really difficult. Then again maybe not. You see I tend to like to push aside the painful feelings until a time when I can really concentrate on them. Yeah, like that happens. So in essence these reliving and telling of the tragic story to his old friends stirs up my own grief, exercising it, and getting it out of me healthily. ?? Idk, I guess I'll know when I get more into my psychology classes. I guess the good thing about being a psych major is I can diagnose and help myself. Ha! J/k. I'll probably need more therapy than most people. Especially in forensic psych.

Singin' Saturdays

2011-07-23T14:25:00.001-04:00

First off I'm a Joanna Newsom fanatic. Most people love or hate her but how could you hate her? Aside from her voice obviously being "different," she is a genius poetically, narratively, and musically. Do you normally hate geniuses? Well don't. I get into the zone when I am listening to her music. I master each song before I move onto another album. I'm getting through Have One On Me slowly. I've had the CD (which has 3 CDs total) for ages and haven't moved onto the 2nd CD of the pack. I know every word and sing them as if I am a genius musician! ;-) Never.Gonna.Happen. And on that note, here's some more J.Newsom!

Kitchen woes.

2011-07-18T13:59:00.001-04:00

So one of my metal cabinet doors fell off and on Sassy's arm too. Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Here's pictures of my 76 year old kitchen: ------------------> CLICK!

What a MONEY PIT!!

I'm thinking of starting a special savings account just for my kitchen remodel. Here's some pretty pictures to swoon me into that process.

As John Candy would say.... Good day to you mad'am. :)

Singin' Saturdays

2011-07-16T09:04:00.000-04:00

Newsflash... best friend marries!

2011-07-13T23:46:00.001-04:00

I witnessed my best friend marry the love of her life and father to my Godson. Long story short they started their relationship without God being their center, without God period. They split up, dedicated their lives to Christ, walked the right way, and now have married. Instead of a wedding they bought a house to raise my Chunky boy in. I am so happy for my best friends and so proud of how they have stood up for God and done it right!!! God is our redeemer!!

Saying the vows

The kiss!!

Hubby wiping BFF's tears

If you're wondering why I am not in these pictures it's because I was crying so much I thought there was gonna be a puddle around where I was standing. Uggggg. My wild emotions! Embarrassing!

College it is....

2011-07-11T10:02:00.000-04:00

First and foremost... look, I have hair again!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remember my semi-mid-life-crisis post about not wanting more children? The answer to the list of items I pondered is going back to college. Which has been a whisper in the back of my mind for a very long time I just fought against it out of fear. You'd think I would listen to the Lord when He speaks to me but I try to really make sure it is His direction and not my own crap. I ignore it, fight it, deny it, and usually it doesn't go away so then I step out in faith in (whatever it is at the time) and God shows me He has been waiting for me to trust Him.

Going back to college which I contemplated for so long is I believe what He is calling me to do. Studying Psychology. Nothing else makes sense for my personality, gifts, interests, and passion. Figuring out why people do what they do has always been a source of excitement for me. I came to the conclusion that I can do it. I have the opportunity to work part-time and that opportunity will not last forever. Of course I homeschool but most of the time Sassy does her independent work and I am just piddling around the house helping her when she needs it, doing my hobbies, cleaning, and playing on the computer. I do have a good amount of time. I figure we can both shack up in the craft room and do our school work together. I will be doing a lot of online classes thank goodness so I will never have to leave the home. After lots of research, prayer, figuring out money and scheduling, I decided to do it. So I went to the college very nervously I may add and re-admitted. I haven't been in any college classes in like 4-5 years. I took Sassy with me for moral support. She needs to see this. She needs to see her mom being brave amongst fear for the future but pressing through to better her life and Sassy's.

What Sassy go to see is God's hand with me as I sat in with the academic advisor switching my major, planning out my coursework, and figuring out which of my transcripts and old classes will count for my AA in psychology. I have 37 credits shockingly I had forgotten how much work I had put in back in the day when I was a college girl. The fact of the matter is almost all of my credits count towards my Psychology degree. You see I was previously a nursing student and I knew in my heart I didn't want to do it but, with Sassy's daddy pressuring me to be a nurse cause they make good money I pressed on. So you know what I did back when I was a nursing student? I avoided all my sciences, nursing courses, and other things and took lots of Psychology classes, Sociology, Anthropology, all kinds of things I loved to learn about. I should've known back then but I didn't. So all my rebellion back then in nursing when I was really fighting against a major I did not want is paying off as we speak because I only need 9 classes to get my degree. Holy Crap! It was like God's hand was literally checking off every class I took and approving it for my Psych degree. I was shocked, awed, encouraged, elated, and relieved. Relieved I didn't work hard for a degree I did not want. Relieved I waited until I really figured out what I love. Totally assured that not only will this coursework be easy for me as most of my classes left are Psychology and random courses left, but it will be purely joyful.

I don't think I've been this excited and joyful about my future in at least a decade. I'm already signed up for my first class for fall which I get to take online. I will do only 1-2 classes a semester but I will work through the summer making 3 semesters a year. It may take me a while but I am still fairly young and I will be working for my Doctorate degree. I will receive my AA in Psychology at my local community college then transfer to Towson University for my bachelors in Psychology then attend (hopefully) the Chicago School of Psychology (Washington, D.C. campus) for my Master's and PhD in Forensic Psychology.

Thank you Lord for giving me this future and this life. Sometimes it is hard but in all I have a wonderful life and future and I look forward to God's provisions and encouragement through it. I hope I can use this line of work to glorify Him and do His works. I always used to say if there was a degree in going to college and learning forever I'd major in it. Well I'm coming pretty close to that. ;)

I leave this post with happy flowers!

Singin' Saturdays

2011-07-09T09:00:00.001-04:00

4th of July 2011

2011-07-07T12:30:00.000-04:00

Most 4th of July's for me consist of throwing a bbq with people over. I live in a very patriotic, nautical town and we have a huge parade and fireworks over the water at night. People from all over travel to my small town and steal your assigned parking spots, litter everywhere, and do illegal fireworks all night long. You can get a glimpse of what my town is like from last year's 4th of July celebration. CLICK HEREEEEE!

So anywhoo I was thrilled to be able to get away for this 4th of July. I went to visit my uncle and aunt who spent the past decade+ in Oregon. They relocated to Northern Virginia this year and I hadn't seen them in about 12 years so it was a real treat. They had a bbq and we got to stay over in their new home. It was me, my mom, 2 of my brothers, and Sassy. My cousin also came over for the bbq! We had so much fun talking, catching up, and eating until we were in food comas. I enjoyed it so much and my aunt and uncle are so hospitable. I learned some quite interesting things thanks to my Uncle and his line of work!

Trying to figure out the timer on my camera!

When we got home it was Sunday the 3rd and the July 4th festivities were still going on. We tried to time our going home at just the right time to be after the parade but before the fireworks. I got home and some jackwagon was parked in front of my house! :| I had to squeezeeeee my bum into a tiny parking spot. What I forgot to mention is a real treat that happened to me. Literally on the way out to drive down to Northern Va for the family bbq I get a knock on the door. It was the owner of the small apartment complex that is behind my house. There's maybe 10 apartments back there. He was asking if he could trim some of the branches from my GIGANTIC mulberry tree that was hanging over the fence. You see I have a tiny yard and in that tiny yard sit two ENORMOUS mulberry trees. Do you know what that means for the month of June? Black death all over my yard. Here's a tiny glimpse of my back yard before the mulberry blooms. CLICK! So anyway what happens is tons of black mulberries cover not only my yard and my beautiful hammock but my beautiful slate back patio. This in and of itself is annoying but what also happens is the berries turn my yard into a festering fruit pie attracting mosquitoes, flies, bees, and every other kind of bug in my yard. Long story short, I don't go in the back yard in the month of June. Like ever.

Anywayyyyy back to the guy at the door. He said that he mulberries drop down on the sidewalk and people carry them onto the carpeting and he just wanted to possibly cut a few branches down to prevent this. I of course said yes and told him how much I hated these wretched trees, that they cause me so many problems. Then he said it. Want me to have the tree guy cut the whole thing down? Uh whattttttttt? I was shocked. For free? He said yeah. He's already here, we've been dealing with those berries for years, and I'd love the opportunity to get rid of it, only if you want to get rid of it. Uh heck yes. Take down that stupiddd treee. And for free! A job that would have costed me $600.00 of which I was certainly planning to do this fall. I was so giddy I was almost high. I ran around the house and kept watching them chop it down. This was a very big tree that covered my entire yard and made my poor vegetable and herb garden cry for sunshine. All of this happening as I'm getting ready to leave. So I kindly tell them to please leave me a business card so I can get the other tree taken down when I have the dough. Which I got an estimate for $475. Much cheaper because the tree is smaller. Off we went! The real blessing came when we got home and I got to see how sunny my yard was and how open it felt. It was a new yard. Not only that but when the fireworks went off that night I could see them perfectly from my back yard. No 40 foot tree blocking my view. It was a good 4th of July indeed.

Singin' Saturdays

2011-07-02T09:56:00.004-04:00

Another pseudo hippie-type music selection chosen by meeeeeeeeee! Bon Iver. swoon

The truth of the matter is......38

2011-06-30T11:30:00.000-04:00

People always want to know about my status in the dating realms. Am I dating? Do I want to date? Do I want to get married? Why aren't I in a relationship? Do you love or hate being single? Do you want more children? People also impose a whole variety of ideas they think is good for my life. You should.... fill in the blank here . The fact of the matter is I wrestle with actually making a concrete decision on what I want for my life. It seems to take me ages before I will commit to an idea of doing something and then I question my decision. Do you know how long I pondered the idea of buying a house? How many pros and cons it took me to even try. Uggg. I am one of those people who don't like to do something unless I can do it well or pretty close to perfect. So I won't invest any time or energy into something I can't master or do extremely well.

The picture above completely describes my mind most of the time. Never really knowing where to go but analyzing every facet of each possible option. I am a thinker and I always over analyze things I know that but my gut feelings about my future are not the popular ones. The main theme of it all is, will I have more children. Because of that theme stems a whole bunch of different ways of living. It's literally either one or the other. Either I have more or I don't. And each side is so vastly different in outcome. You see my daughter is now 12 which means I have 6 years until she is 18 and 6 years until hypothetical freedom. That thought is very appealing to me. I had my daughter when I was 19 and I certainly wasn't ready to. I was literally on the path of moving to Philly with my best friend to start art school. Then I got pregnant. Of course I wasn't going to abort the baby. That thought never ever crossed my mind. I was going to be responsible. And I did. I gave up all my partying, all my college dreams, her dad and I got a house and began to build the foundation for her to have a good childhood. And she did have a good childhood. I was/am a good mom. I devote it all. I work my life around my child in almost every aspect. Which can be good or bad I guess. The reality is that is what scares me about having more. I am just now starting to feel like my old self again. Because she is 12 and much more independent I have more time to enjoy my hobbies, interests, etc. The thought of going back to tossing myself out the window again to birth more children is daunting. Because I demand myself to do parenting well I will slip back into losing myself for the sake of raising up children. I really don't wanna. The reasons I have in my mind for possibly having more children are honestly selfish.

Here they are in list form:

I need children to take care of me when I'm older.

Having more children will keep me young.

I don't want to be a lonely old bag with no family when I'm old.

I don't want Sassy to be the only one caring for me when I am old.

None of these reasons have to do with raising children so that I may add new children to the kingdom of God. None of the reasons make sense in the best interest of a child. They make sense for what is in it for me. That's not good. But it is true. I have had relationships after her dad (private from Sassy) and I always sabotage it or get out because the root is that I don't think I want more children and they did. It's a new revelation really that the root of my disdain with dating and/or future marriage has to do with the fear of mothering again. Of course with that are the fears that I'll regret not having more children. That when Sassy is 18 and I'm 38 I will say, ok, now what? Well here's what, a list of possibilities for when I am free. And yes I totally get that just because she turns 18 doesn't mean I'm really free. I will never be free from being a mother. But in case I am somewhat free here's the list:

Move to Europe to study art, literature, read Hemingway in musky corners of pubs all while cooking all my meals from fresh ingredients I find at the market that day. Mind you a french baguette will always be in my purse. Ok so that's a joke. Sort of. You get it.
RV across America.
Do missions work.
Get my master's degree.
Go on Antarctic expeditions.
Start some kind of non-profit where my ego is constantly praised.
Start my own business.
Be a crazy cat/dog lady.
Travel the world.

Most likely what will happen is my life will coddle my daughter's life and I will help her through whatever school/college she desires, help her with her children, and possibly never do any of the things on that list.

Still at 38 the options are there. If I have more children those options vanish again until I am really old. What's even scarier is the thought that I could be a grandmother at 38. WHAT. ON. EARTH.

I've wrestled with these feelings of not wanting more children against the popular opinions. "You're a good mother, you should have more." "What do you have to loose?" "Children only bring joy and fulfillment to your life." I get it. I just don't feel it at this present time. A situation came up recently in my life that I really had to address these thoughts/issues. It was mandatory. I came to the decision, the answer is no. I don't wanna. At least right now. I may change my mind at 38 when I have a chance of freedom and it frightens me. So when people ask me about my future I always say, "oh whatever God has for my life." You know, fluff talk. But this is really how I feel. Popular or not. So no more children. A dog. Work on my house. Travel. Be awesome. Of course God has a way of twisting up my plans just because He can. *sigh*